Failling..

It's amazingly to see how bright is the moon tonight.
Bright enough to torch up the whole city of cat here.
I wonder what kind of feeling me myself is having now.
I feel so ..undecided, unclam and ...lonely.
It's just...so uneasy.
I did a same thing at least ten times today.
I've got my answer but I don't feel satisfy or happy.
Looking out the big window watching how the amazing Moon is working at the top the sky.
If the moon could talk, how I wish I could ask..
"Dont you feel lonely tonight? I see no star company you today"
Hmm..With a cigaratte litted, but I don't smoke on it as many times as I usually did.
My mind just couldn't settle me down.
I feel so sleepy, but I am not.
I feel so uncomfortable but part of me not.
I thought I hide the feeling well from myself,
I thought I could open my arms, my mind and let everything go.
I thought I had decided not to make you appear in my very mind anymore.
Everytime I sense your presence are near, I would do anything to make it stop.
Well, I guess I fail today..
I just couldn 't suppress my thought and feeling today.
I change myself by force, and it requires a lots and sacrifice to do it..
It makes me a loner..

Sleeping..

Recently, I found myself sleep a lot.
For example like, today..
I had my morning class today at 9 am, I woke up at 8.15am,
After finished my class at 12.30pm, I went to The Spring to have my lunch.
Then I came back here, and I straight away go to sleep.
Very weird huh?
Usually when I am back from some where else, the 1st thing I will do I is clicking on this laptop.
Haha..
why?
I guess that's a way for me to stop thinking nonsense..
At least when I am dreaming, there is somebody company by myside.
But the bad thing is, everytime when I wake up, I could suddenly feel very very extremely lonely.
Well, I think that's the pros and cons.
To achieve something, you have to sacrifice something.
Anyway, just back from buying myself a dinner after class.
It's 9.34pm now, I guess after dinner, some movies, BED TIME!
WISH ME HAVE A NICE DREAM TONIGHT!!

Presence of yours..

I had ignore this blog for a very very long time,
Forget since when, but I know it's a very long time already.
Now, I am coming back to here for the same reason once again.
NO where to express out my feeling my pain,
No where to complain,
Definitely no one to company by myside and listen to me.
Few mins ago, I was still in a taxi on the way back to this college,
Few hours ago, in the plane towards here,
Yesterday, I was still in the Kuala Lumpur for my own convocation.
Well, I was all alone for my own convo, how much fun or enjoy can I be ?
There once in the past,I plan to bring her there but...things happen, isn't it ?
Just on the way back, she lingered through my mind and made me like...Haih ...
There were chances for me to online in KL to see how's she been nowadays through Fs but,..
I purposely missed out the chances and I tried to stay away from the internet explorer when I am in front of the computer or laptop.
It was just, I tried not to pull down my own feeling while I was there.
I smiled , tried to joke, laughed and doing all sort kind of stupid things,
But at the end , I still realized that, I was trying to cover my face with the mask.
Now, I am back to my own hostel, and ..yes, I see, I read, I carefully examined her Fs' profile,
She has her wonderful day in her new University, she's definitely happy and enjoy with her current life.
She's so in love, and feel so much freedom now.
Just dont know why I have the mixed feeling when I go to know this.
I suppose to be happy for her as well also right?
To be honest, I am not so happy, but I am not sad too ..
This feeling is just so....undescrible..
The other side of me feel like crying,
And another side of me thinking of no reason for me to cry and stopped the tears.
2 days ago, from a single to become a complicated one..
It really proved that, you feel like annoucing it but you just can't ..
Now I really feel like, it was really a big mistake for me to appear in your life..
Especially the part to be in love with you,
Grabbing a big part of chapter in your life.
I rather to be called as playboy, a bad guy,
But not the one, who make you sad in your life.
Am I being selfish to write these here too ?? ..
Can I assume that you are not going to read this blog anymore.
Perhaps the day may not come anyway, I bet you are not even going to read my msg too. =)
Reading the comments you left in the past, really really do make me think of you a lot...
I still can sincerely wish you happiness with your love one, leaving your world,
Just sometimes, I need some times to rest ...Sorry ..
If this is not too over, can I ask you to ease my pain for just few mins ?

12 september 2007
Today is the day when an history happened in my life.
I've just lost my another half and I lost it unwillingly.
I had a afternoon session exam for today and right after the exam, I rushed out the hall and the first thing I did was to reach out for me handphone.
Well, it was all sent. Just, not replied.
Had another, and it was replied after all.
Obviously, it was not what I want and I was stunned when I read it.
I bear not to cry out as I was still at the public place, waiting for cab.
I can't stand still, so, I began to walk.
Without direction to no-where.
I just walked.
However, each step I took, everytime I breathed,
For the very first time, my tears fall without my notice in the public.
I kept on walking and walking.
I dont feel like going back.
I dont know what I want to do.
I just walk, on the roadside.
Things which I had been so difficultly defense these months had come to the end.
Brutally ended.
I just couldn't accept the fate and the reasons.
I was back home.
Couldnt imagine, I was walking all way long at the place I am not familiar way to home.
Opened the door, finally I was terribly burst into tears.
I cried and cried, cried and cried,
I tried to hold but I just cant stop.
Sitting at the corner like a dead puppet with a terrible face for hours and hours.
Like waiting for a fairy to appear and grant my wish.
The night fall, my tears are finally dried up.
I realize I had been crying for so long until the right side of my head started to ache.
The fairy just dont come, the miracle just wont happen.
Ouch, it still hurts. It pains a lot.
It does really feel like losing your another half.
It was cruel enough to ruin my life.
Somehow, I did blame God for being so unfair.
Why am I the only one who cry for it?
Why does He take my everything from me?
Why He just won't give me the courage to make the last call ?
You hate me, dont you?
I know you hate me. A lot.

When my world is about to lost..

**SiGH**

It's so hard to wait for time to pass.
Each minute is like living in hell.
Damn! I guess that is what it's like when your world is not around and when you know you are going to lose it already.
Can't sleep, can't read, can't think!
Tomorrow I still got exam need to go through.
Wish me good luck please...
It feels suck when you got to know how unworthy you are.
You words mean nothing to anyone.
When you say a lot, those are just rubbish.
Like I said, I've lost my world ...
I am still waiting for it to be back..
Unless my own world want to,
I am still worthless to do anything.
All I can do, is wait desperately.

Which character are you ?

Just now, I watched a drama titled "A New Life". Even though this is my 1st time to watch this drama ( plus LiOnGteCk don't really like to watch drama) , I was attached by the things happened inside.

It's about a guy who is a little bit dumb ( don't how to describe that kind of person ) and had a girlfriend who had an average look. He loves his girlfriend so much and yeah, he's willing to do anything for her. Every Sunday, whenever he is free, he will help his girlfriend in her shop. Because of his problem, it's hard for him get a job, so he worked as a curry-cooker.

Well, just like I said just now, he loves his girlfriend so much, so, he sticked to her so much. Their weekly activities were just 3 days movies a week and after that they will had duck-porridge. However, since her girlfriend changed her work, she began to change a lot. She started to yell at him, lie to him and started to feel that he is annoying and useless. From 3 days movies, they are now watch only 1 day movie in a week. Sometimes, they don't even come out together no matter how the guy asked the girl.

The guy didn't give up. He bought VCDs for her as the replacement of the movie they missed. He bought duck-porridge for her and bring those to her workplace. HOwever, all the things that he did for her, she doesn't even appreciate it at all. Instead, she yell and scold at him. No matter what, he didn't even complaint a word at all. He kept on finding reasons for her changes.

As the time got longer, the girl finally totally neglect the guy already. She can't even see him even though pass by him. At last, the guy knew that she was with other guy already...His heart broke into million pieces..

Actually do you all realize that most of the drama on TV do really reflect on our real life nowadays? It's not important either you are guys or girls. The importnat thing is which character are you in the real life. Either you are just a guinea pig or the princess who is love by a person who really love you. Or perhaps you might be the one who toturing your other half without your notice ?

Think of it..Haha...Enjoy ...

Everyone is happy without LiOnGtEcK~

Now, everyone is happy without me!
* Sad =( *

Let me tell you why...

My mum smiles because she don't have to send anymore money to me. Well, money is not everything but without money, you are definitely nothing. So, everyone smiles when they have money. So, she is happy!

My sisters smile because they don't have to waste anymore money on me especially on the Chinese New Year because I always ask them to buy new clothes and shoes for me. So, they smile because without me, they saved a lot of money to buy things they want.


My friends smile because I know they don't like me anymore. They didn't say because they know it's not a good manner to do so. I know my own bad attitude. So, if I disappear, they smile!
Monkeys smile!! They know if I disappear, there will be less one person in they world to snatch bananas from them. So, monkeys are happy without me.


Pigs smile because they know if I disappear, I won't ever eat roast pig anymore.


The dog smile because they know every night, there won't be anyone to hug them to sleep anymore as those could make them seems torturing.


Even the fish also smiles! I don't know why! They are just happy without me.


When those human and animals hate me and they are happy without me, I am sad. So, I am left all alone.
However, the worst and the most heart-broken thing is,..
Even the person I love the most in the world also smile if I am disappear in this world. There will be no one who keeps on messing her happy life anymore. So, she is happy without me..


Okay, now LiOnGtEck is totally neglected and sad. I am now totally left alone. He keeps away from his hand phone so that he will not disturb anyone anymore.

May be in his life, he can only make friends with snails.

He can only hug teddy instead of the person he love.

Hmmm....

LiOnGtEck Cry...... :-(