Zerolise.

From a hero to a zero.
It's not that hard.
It only takes few days time and a woman you love :).
And the pain in your heart.




曲: 周杰倫
Qu: Zhou Jie Lun
Music: Jay Chou

詞：方文山
Ci: Fang Wen Shan
Lyrics: Vincent Fang

Translation: wackycashew – www.jay-chou.net

斷了的弦 再怎麼連
duan le de xuan zai zen me lian
A broken string, how can it be reconnected?

我的感覺 妳已聽不見
wo de gan jue ni yi ting bu jian
My feelings, you already cannot hear

妳的轉變 像斷掉的線
ni de zhuan bian xiang duan diao de xian
Your changes are like a string that’s been broken

再怎麼接 音都不對
zai zen me jie yin dou bu dui
No matter how I adjust, the sound won’t be right

妳的改變 我能夠分辨
ni de gai bian wo neng gou fen bian
Your changes, I have the ability to distinguish

Verse

我沉默 妳的話也不多
wo chen mo ni de hua ye bu duo
I’m silent, you don’t have much to say either

我們之間少了什麼 不說
wo men zhi jian shao le shen me bu shuo
Between us, what are we missing? Let’s not say

哎喲 微笑後 表情終於有點難過
ai yo wei xiao hou biao qing zhong yu you dian nan guo
Aiyo…After smiling, my expression finally has a bit of sadness

握著妳的手
wo zhe ni de shou
Holding your hand

問妳決定了再走
wen ni jue ding le zai zou
Asked you for your final decision before I left

我突然釋懷的笑
wo tu ran shi huai de xiao
I suddenly laughed with a relieved heart

笑聲盤旋半山腰
xiao sheng pan xuan ban shan yao
The laughter circled around the middle of a mountain

隨風在飄搖啊搖
sui feng zai piao yao a yao
Floated with the wind, swaying

來到妳的面前繞
lai dao ni de mian qian rao
Arrived before you, pacing back and forth

妳淚水往下的掉
ni lei shui wang xia de diao
Your tears streamed down

說會記住我的好
shuo hui ji zhu wo de hao
Saying that you will remember my goodness

我也彎起了嘴角 笑
wo ye wan qi le zui jiao xiao
I also curled up the corners of my mouth, smiling

*妳的美 已經給了誰
ni de mei yi jing gei le shui
Your beauty has already been given to whom?

追了又追 我要不回
zhui le you zhui wo yao bu hui
Chasing and chasing again, I can’t get it back

我了解 離開樹的葉
wo liao jie li kai shu de ye
I understand that the leaves that have left the trees

屬於地上的世界 凋謝
shu yu di shang de shi jie diao xie
Belong to the world of the ground, withering

Chorus

斷了的弦 再彈一遍
duan le de xuan zai tan yi bian
A broken string, playing once more

我的世界 妳不在裡面
wo de shi jie ni bu zai li mian
My world, you’re not in it

我的指尖 已經彈出繭
wo de zhi jian yi jing tan chu jian
My fingertips have already become calloused from the playing

還是無法 留妳在我身邊
hai shi wu fa liu ni zai wo shen bian
But still there’s no way for me to keep you by my side

斷了的弦 再怎麼連
duan le de xuan zai zen me lian
A broken string, how can it be reconnected

我的感覺 妳已聽不見
wo de gan jue ni yi ting bu jian
My feelings, you already cannot hear

妳的轉變 像斷掉的線
ni de zhuan bian xiang duan le de xian
Your changes are like a string that’s been broken

再怎麼接 音都不對
zai zen me jie yin dou bu dui
No matter how I adjust, the sound won’t be right

妳的改變 我能夠分辨
ni de gai bian wo neng gou fen bian
Your changes, I have the ability to distinguish

A dream

Two days ago, I was dreaming that one of my best friend was trying to kill me but in the end he killed her instead.
It was me the main cause of her death and putting her through the dangerous situation.
It was my fault for not pushing her away when she refused to leave by myside.
By the time I know she's dead because of me, eveything will be too late.
I should have know it was just a dream by the time she hold onto my hand and promised to never leave me no matter what happen.
I suppose to know it was a dream from the start when she with me.
Because those are the things that will be impossible to happen ever again.

I feel weak.

I didnt sleep for the whole night rushing my 40 questions to be done in 3 days time.
Each of them takes me at least 3- to 45 minutes to be done roughly only.
The Sun rises and I am struggling everywhere to look a stick of cigarrate, an ammo for me to fight through the day.
Thanks God for leaving me a stick left in my bag.
But no thanks for You to let me to choose a wrong time to relax my mind for awhile.

I always know since yesterday's dream, my mind keep on pulling me towards her.
I've tried everything to distract her off; I am willing to pay for it but it doesnt work at all.
The songs that I've been singing, the lyrics and the musics seem to keep reminding me of her everytime.
I've tried to yell, tried on my every masks, ...no hope.

I know, I can't afford to distract even a little for these 3 days.
But whenever I am at my weakest point, the stronger the senses of her got into my mind.

Oh..What should I do?
What else can I do?
Why cant I just be like a man, forget anything as long as I will for it.

People said, even the strongest man in the world may crumble for a love.
I might the only person in the world raising his both hand agree with the fact.

How nice it would be if I am like the Aladdin who found a magical lamp with a genie granting my 3 wishes.

I will grant you your freedom as my third wish, Genie.
But before that, happiness for all the people around me especially the person I love the most.
Next, will be me disappear from this world, wiping every evidence about my existence.

With these, no one will be sad anymore, none have to pretend and no one with the excessive feeling of missing a person anymore.

It doesnt feel good when you miss a person a lot but you could say it out as you know no one will care.
It will only make you look stupidier and weaker.
Sometimes, I really think that, it's the time.
For me to terminate everything that's connected to her.
This blog, my facebook, my e-mail, my msn..
Till I do my part...my mind and my heart.

Who...you me? or her and them. Obvious.

It is said that, the person who asked the most is the person to worry and care the most.
But at the same time, he or she might be the bad person in the story who is trying to figure out how's the thing goes and plan a further step for another evil plan.
Not sure which one, but I am trying hard to figure out which role I am playing at.
Innocent or the evil one.

I gotta admit I did asked her out for awhile last week.
I don't know if it's the loneliness had blinded me or am I really had went crazy for being alone for a too long time.
That's just the time when I learnt how scary will the loneliness be. When I always thought that I am always a good loner.

Maybe I should say, it's a fortunate thing that she doesn't care at all. =)
Yes, I was rejected, undirectly.

I thought I should be the one crying and pity by others.
But the fact is, I am not. At least I know I dont have the right to be.
You see, today I snapped myself out from my "evil plan".
I don't really know the true reason for me to ask her out again when I promise not to even contact with her again.

I almost forget the reason I decide to let her go and never to see her again.
I almost forget the pain I had to go through when she decided to put a full stop to the story that I struggled so hard to save.
I almost forget the cold tears she dropped not because of us, but for just seeing me in a miserable situation.
More importantly...I almsot forget how I miserably messed up her life, and the pain I gave her for her to decide not to hold onto the love that was once so strong.

I had a dream today.
Call it a sweet dream or nightmare, I dont really know anymore.
I was asked to hug her by no one but herself.
I knew it was a dream the moment she hold onto my hands but I just did it anyway.
I always knew the dream was going to end but at least, I was able to feel the great feeling I had once in the past again which I know, it's impossible in reality anymore.
But...just right before I woke up..
I felt tears rolling down my cheek.
I dont know if it's mine or hers.
It just broke my heart.

All the while, I thought that if I try very hard to think at the bright side I might just free myself from this love bound.
If I can't find my way out, I just have to close my eyes and rush foward for one day later, I might be able to have my wings back once again.
However, these loneliness made me realise that I am not going anywhere except than running around the circle.

God,...I really am sorry... I just couldnt do it alone.
I am lost again.
Please guide me.
Tell me how and what I should do.
At least a better resolve, a better determination for me to stop looking for her anymore.
I dont want to hurt her anymore...Help me.

Fuck the loneliness, Fuck the pain..
Tie me up, hide my wings,,,Shut my heart and brain down.

Y

It has been a week since I am all alone without a single soul company me by myside.
This is terrible and I know I had underestimate the term of lonely too much.
And now I am punished due to my own arrogant.
Somehow, this really remind me of a sentence said by a character in the movie, Protege, "Which is scarier; loneliness or drug?"
I am sure I can't differentiate them apart as well.

I got to know one of her friend had passed away today.
And she got so sad that she cried and even made a video for her dear friend.

Hmmm..
I just wonder, why it makes me wanna cry with them as well.
It seems to sour inside and made my tears flows from my both eyes as well.

I dont know..
Could it be of their friend's tragedy??
Or maybe I was just touched by their friendship ness.
Probably just because I am so alone these days, so I was already down in mood from the begining.
But I am just thinking..Could it be that I got to know she is really sad now?

It breaks my heart unconsiously and I failed to hold onto my tears when the image of her crying appear in my mind.
And the worst thing is, I am not able to do anything to ease her heart a little except than the sms I sent to her after considering for a very long time. - If only it works.

It pains to know when you are not needed.
It pains even more to see the person you cherish so much are so sad and you are not able to do anything at all.

All I can say is,
Cheer up, girl. Your dear friend is with God now. She is happy with friends like you all. Be strong and pray for her.

Unexpected

Honestly I didn't really expect her to poped up in my mind so much tonight.
When I say didn't expect, it means I was totally unprepared which is a bad thing and the reason that lead me to here once again.

It started when my friend asked me to go for the "old cow vs tender grass movie".
Evryone who had already watched the movie should know that the movie was about the beautiful love stories that make you tears and mucus from nose.
Actually I don't really hate those love stories or movies.
It is just that watching those kind of movies remind me a lot her.
"How nice if they are me and you" bla bla bla...
To make thing worst, even though it was a late movie, there were still a lot of couple watching the movie including my friends. =/ hmmm...

"Alright", I thought, " I guess when I'm back, I will just maple a little before go to bed. This should do some distraction"
However, ... You see when I was back to Sibu last to time, I brought over a radio clock with me here. Since then, whenever I am back to my room, I will just on the radio to break the silentness in my room and as well to find some new songs to listen to.
But tonight, there's not a single new song in the air.
Instead, there are only those slow and sad songs and almost all of them make me remind about the past of me and her.
Some songs are taboo to me and they were all aired. =.="

In the end, I am here. Duhhh....
Don't ask me why, I don't know me myself as well.
Maybe I am just hoping after writing evrything in here, it might ease my heart a little.
A little would be enough since the desperate person can't be choosy isn't it?
Or...
Could this be a way for me to say " I miss you"
to ask " sometime, do you ever miss me more you should since that day? If yes, what will you do?"

you know, everytime when I think about you and her, it reminds me of how happy you are now.
That's what encourage me to push myself as far as I could from you.

The Moon might not be blue anymore.

I've been trying so hard to avoid everything that remind me of her since that day.
Limiting my thoughts, blocking every single memory of hers.
Distracting my attention everytime when I know things about her is going to appear.
Focusing on controlling eveywhere single of nerve at my fingers not to click anything about her on my laptop. Including this blog of mine that accumulated my memories of hers.
I know I've been trying to follow her steps to avoid instead of facing the cruel reality.
I thought if I can hold onto these for as long as I could, I might just get through these eventually.

Oh well.
I'm now standing at the balcony outside my room, armed with my itouch and a cigarate lited on the other hand.
I'm not sure if I'm already at my limit, the silent ness of the night, or is it this feeling of loneliness that guide me to this old blog of mine.
Maybe it's just my heart that seems haven't done wanting to talk to you I guess.
I'm gotta have to admit all of these happened without filtering through my mind.
That's what happen when I act according to my feeling =\.

Maybe just tonight, I will be breaking the law of you to trepass through me.

My has always been a dark one since I was a kid.
I always act as tough as I could not to be standing at the bottom, avoid any help from others and of course not to burden anyone around me.
Till the day you appeared.
You are just like the light who lit up the darkness inside of me and taught me there is always someone I could rely on.
I just don't have to carry everything on myself.
I'm happy and hope of keeping evrything of you just with me.
Maybe, just because I overdid this, you left.

I know I couldn't Never ever have the chance to look for you anymore.
As it was me myself who decided on this.
Because I know who I am, how weak my resolve would be, I might just force myself into you again.
And I might scare you if it does happen again.
That's what I've been trying to avoid. For you to be scare of me.

I was just thinking, if there is one day for the "blue moon" do appear again for you to read this, ...
I'm sorry.
And thank you for once litting up inside my life.