A dream

Two days ago, I was dreaming that one of my best friend was trying to kill me but in the end he killed her instead.
It was me the main cause of her death and putting her through the dangerous situation.
It was my fault for not pushing her away when she refused to leave by myside.
By the time I know she's dead because of me, eveything will be too late.
I should have know it was just a dream by the time she hold onto my hand and promised to never leave me no matter what happen.
I suppose to know it was a dream from the start when she with me.
Because those are the things that will be impossible to happen ever again.

I feel weak.

I didnt sleep for the whole night rushing my 40 questions to be done in 3 days time.
Each of them takes me at least 3- to 45 minutes to be done roughly only.
The Sun rises and I am struggling everywhere to look a stick of cigarrate, an ammo for me to fight through the day.
Thanks God for leaving me a stick left in my bag.
But no thanks for You to let me to choose a wrong time to relax my mind for awhile.

I always know since yesterday's dream, my mind keep on pulling me towards her.
I've tried everything to distract her off; I am willing to pay for it but it doesnt work at all.
The songs that I've been singing, the lyrics and the musics seem to keep reminding me of her everytime.
I've tried to yell, tried on my every masks, ...no hope.

I know, I can't afford to distract even a little for these 3 days.
But whenever I am at my weakest point, the stronger the senses of her got into my mind.

Oh..What should I do?
What else can I do?
Why cant I just be like a man, forget anything as long as I will for it.

People said, even the strongest man in the world may crumble for a love.
I might the only person in the world raising his both hand agree with the fact.

How nice it would be if I am like the Aladdin who found a magical lamp with a genie granting my 3 wishes.

I will grant you your freedom as my third wish, Genie.
But before that, happiness for all the people around me especially the person I love the most.
Next, will be me disappear from this world, wiping every evidence about my existence.

With these, no one will be sad anymore, none have to pretend and no one with the excessive feeling of missing a person anymore.

It doesnt feel good when you miss a person a lot but you could say it out as you know no one will care.
It will only make you look stupidier and weaker.
Sometimes, I really think that, it's the time.
For me to terminate everything that's connected to her.
This blog, my facebook, my e-mail, my msn..
Till I do my part...my mind and my heart.