I walked down the stairs with the intention to have a bath.
I drew a fake smile on my face pretending I know nothing at all.
I tried to clear my mind up and re-input others new data just to forget the things I always tried so hard to forget.
Without realising it, I was sitting on the sofa in the living without the lights on.
Yes, I was all alone in the house.
Somehow, I feel kinda comfortable in the dark.
At least I couldnt see anything, hear anything and know anything anymore.
It suits me, isnt it?

I am like a frog which fall in the deep well, no matter hard I jump, I just couldnt get out of there.
It's like when you love someone so much and when you go too deep inside, there's no way out when it ends.
I know it's easy to forget a person or to throw away everything and start a new one.
I know because I see it through most of the people in the world and especially you.
I am just too stupid to learn , to master the skill which it's easy for everyone else.
My mind just stubbornly couldnt accept the only choice I have.
If there's any secret formula or step that I should know to master the skill, please do let me know.

Because no one like the dark or to be the frog in the well.
Every second, to wait for a miracle to pull me out of here.

I always know how high is the sky, but I couldnt remember how big is the world anymore, since the day I jumped into this well myself....

liongteck dont like to dream

You must be "wow" if you see this..
I slept at 11pm just now.
LOL!
I dont know why I am so tired for the whole day that I even lost interest in playing my favourite online game, Maple Story.

Well, I really need to admit that it really feel good to sleep that early.
It would be better if I don't have any dream(s) just now.
I dont really like to dream happen on me when I am sleeping, no matter it's a sweet one, or nightmare.
LOL, I think I have lost the ability in classifying either it's a good or bad dream as well.

Anyway, it's expected that I will wake up early if I sleep too early.
I am correct!!
I woke up at 2.30am just now. (By the dream)
It's a weird dream.
Remember in the past, whenever I had this kind of "weird dream", she will be the only one listening to me telling it.
When I say "weird dream", most of the time it involve her inside, doing unexpected thing, saying words that most likely not going to happen in the reality.

Actually I had 2 dreams just now.
I woke up by the 1st dream then I continue to sleep again.
After that 2nd dream attacked, I woke up and I couldnt close my eyes again.
Well, both do involve her.
Or should I say, most of the part is about her.

The weird thing is, I can remember almost every part of the dream that I dreamt.
I wont say it's a nightmare.
But, like I said, I dont really like to dream, especially the "weird dream".
And that might be one of the reason why, I dont sleep early at night..
Because most of the dreams I dreamt, she appeared in it.

"あなたの夢が叶ったことがありますか？ "私はまだここに苦しんでいる

It means,
"Have your wish come true yet?" I am still struggling here.

I have been siting here alone, all night long until I realise the sun is about to rise.
It has been expected that I am not able to sleep again last night.
My mind is full of everything, so mixed up that I couldnt find a way to sort it accordingly.
I know I've a decision to make.
Between the two diverged road in front of me, I still not brave enough to take a step ahead.
It's obvious of what type of road I should take and yet I am still doubting about it.
I always know there is no such thing as "easy road" exist in this world.
But Dear GOD, you've just put me in the worst situation ever in my life and forgot to pull me out of there.

Today is 9th of August which is your b'day.
I wonder do you ever realise this is the 1st time ever that I was there celebrated it with you.
I always wish I was there for you when you are still belong to me.
But things just happened every time and stopped me to having these kind of special days with you.
At least, in this year, my wish is granted.
A so-called surprise party which I've always wanted to do it just for you.
I guess it's just too late for it.

Sitting here with the silent world,
Making everything about you and me flashed through my mind.
How you and I was once so in love with each other.
And how, it was terribly ended.

Remember the words I've told you which trigger you and me together?
"It's also a kind of happiness to be loved isn't it?"
Remember how the 1st time I hold your hand and asked "Will you give me a chance to be with you?" and you nodded.
Remember how happy I was and I told you that I wanna let the whole world about this??
Remember the day when I hold your hand in the shopping mall wherever we go.
Remember the 1st Chinese New Year's Eve we spent together at my house when we had our 1st kiss.
Remember when we are so worried about each other to get bored when we are with our friends and we keep asking each other "Are you boring?". And for most of the time, we just shooked our head and say no. Because it was never boring as long as we are by each other side.
Remember the 1st song you made for me on the day when I went outside to continue my study?? You asked for the title for the song from me but in the end we gave the title together as the "Love Notes".
Remember the time whenever I was back from KL, I fetch you back from your school after the study.
Remember sometimes when I was about to fetch you back, you asked "Are you going to send me back now?" And I said "no" everytime because I wanna spend as much time as I can just to be with you.
And do you remember, the time when we both keep teasing each other are old and we nicked each other as "Ah pek and Ah mu"

I remember that I keep saving up my money just because I want to bring you to a trip with just you and me. But in the end, I just cant hold to buy things for you whenever I am back from KL with the fund.
I still rememeber there was once when I back from KL, the first thing I did was to go and find you. And you gave me a kiss right after you came into the car.
I remember that there are once we had an arguement and you suddenly felt pain around your chest, I was so worried and wanted to send you to the hospital, but you refused and ask me to send you back home. On the way, you suddenly told me do not ever not to ignore you. On that time how I wish I could hug you so tightly that I never want to let go for the rest of my life.
I also remember that you put on your best make up and dress which you hate the most just for me on the last day before I went to KL.
And I always remember the time ....when you called me as your "Dear"

There are so many things to say, so many things to write it here.
What we had together, what we did and what we had been through all together.
It will never be enough time and space for me to pour everything we did together out here.
But everything are just memories when our time had came to the end.
Honestly, I thought after all these days and months, I've already give up in getting you back into my life.
Then I realised, what I did all these times after we broke up was just paralysing myself and when the effect is over the great pain is still there and it didnt fade even a little.

Whenever I drop my tears for you, I always hope that will be the last time I do so.
But the "last time" just never come and I never fail to cry whenever I am alone thinking the past.
God are still being mercy on me, at least he made my tears company me whenever I am sad.

"Why are you taking me to go through the most memorable journey, then left me with the most painful souvenior"


Happy birthday. Dear..
This might be last time I will be saying this.
How I wish you could hear this from my own.
I will try my best to do my part in granting one of your 3 wishes..
As your best birthday gift you will ever receive.

Then I smiled..with tears rolling down my cheeks.

Update:
You are like bird which love to fly up high in the sky.
The higher the better and it would be the best to be higher than anyone else in the world.
I realise whenever you are with me, you couldnt open your wings and fly.
Even if you could, there's always a limit of how high and far you can go.
It's like me, tying you with a rope restricting the height and the length of your journey.
Now, I know you've left me for the better person who could bring you up high into the sky.
So high up that you couldnt see me anymore.
I know how much you are in love with the person since that person is the reason which you could finally know how beautiful is the world watching from the above.
However, if there is a time when you feel like falling..
I just want you to know, I will be the first person to be there to catch you from the below.

Good Morning!!

Good morning everyone.
Had a nice sleep last night?
If ya, then good.
If no, say hell ya with me as we are in the same boat.

I suppose to have class now but I decided to skip.
I am totally tired after the several sleepless night.
Besides, this early morning, I have already looked through my notes that whatever will be teach by my tutor today I think I at least know what to do with it.
Anyway, for me, I think "study hard and a get a good job" is not my type.
I dont wanna wake up early morning everyday and rush for work, get paid and becoming the government slave by paying a huge amount of taxes.
What I think is "Study hard and get a good job" theory doesnt work in this world anymore.
Maybe it works for the past but not now.
Do you all know even doctor is struggling financially in these day??
I am looking forward a business, an investment that required a little knowledge of how the money works.
But of course, my studies still will not be negelected.
It's kinda important anyway, at least for my parents, that is.

It's already 8.30am, I suppose to be on my bed now.
You must be thinking, not going to class, then what the hell I am doing here and not go to bed.
Nah, it's just that when I decided to skip my class, my so called "sleepy" is not there anymore.
I guess at least my rebel part is functioning quite well.

Once again, Good Morning everyone.
Wish you all have a nice day.

When the cold and hot combined

I typed and I deleted it.
I typed it again and I deleted it again.
I know I have something to say.
I know I have something to ask.
I know I have something to write it here.
And I wonder how am I going to "re-decorate" it and "wrap" it nicely before presenting it.
I just don't want to create any trouble, any misunderstanding, especially not causing any sadness.

As I know, hurricane is formed by the combination of hot and cold air.
Hurricane messed up and destroyed anything wherever it goes and passed through.
And for human's feeling, the combination of hot and cold, it brings confusion.
Confusion messed up one's heart, making your day from worse to worst, brings you one of the worst feeling you ever had in life and you couldnt decide what's the next step or action you should take.
Scare of making the wrong decision, you will lost the thing you want forever.

Yesterday, I lied my head down onto the table, looking blankly at the wall.
I was not clearly knowing what's on my mind, what song am I listening to.
All I know, I was pretty down on that time.

I reach out one of my hand..
Trying to catch the light which forced itself in from the outside.
When everyone knows it's impossible to do so and so do I.

But somehow, I get to know that, there is no impossible as long as you try hard enough and never give up.
I guess there is some of the things that you just couldnt reach and get no matter how much effort you've put into it.
And by that time, give up could be the best choice you've got to make.

However, when the confusion sets in...
You will never know what will be the next step that you should take.
There will be too much "if" occur in my mind ..
Is that a sign ? Or..
Is this just a bump on the pathway? Or..
Is it the time to give up?
If ya, how ??
You just couldnt decide.