The Moon might not be blue anymore.

I've been trying so hard to avoid everything that remind me of her since that day.
Limiting my thoughts, blocking every single memory of hers.
Distracting my attention everytime when I know things about her is going to appear.
Focusing on controlling eveywhere single of nerve at my fingers not to click anything about her on my laptop. Including this blog of mine that accumulated my memories of hers.
I know I've been trying to follow her steps to avoid instead of facing the cruel reality.
I thought if I can hold onto these for as long as I could, I might just get through these eventually.

Oh well.
I'm now standing at the balcony outside my room, armed with my itouch and a cigarate lited on the other hand.
I'm not sure if I'm already at my limit, the silent ness of the night, or is it this feeling of loneliness that guide me to this old blog of mine.
Maybe it's just my heart that seems haven't done wanting to talk to you I guess.
I'm gotta have to admit all of these happened without filtering through my mind.
That's what happen when I act according to my feeling =\.

Maybe just tonight, I will be breaking the law of you to trepass through me.

My has always been a dark one since I was a kid.
I always act as tough as I could not to be standing at the bottom, avoid any help from others and of course not to burden anyone around me.
Till the day you appeared.
You are just like the light who lit up the darkness inside of me and taught me there is always someone I could rely on.
I just don't have to carry everything on myself.
I'm happy and hope of keeping evrything of you just with me.
Maybe, just because I overdid this, you left.

I know I couldn't Never ever have the chance to look for you anymore.
As it was me myself who decided on this.
Because I know who I am, how weak my resolve would be, I might just force myself into you again.
And I might scare you if it does happen again.
That's what I've been trying to avoid. For you to be scare of me.

I was just thinking, if there is one day for the "blue moon" do appear again for you to read this, ...
I'm sorry.
And thank you for once litting up inside my life.