Asking for a change

Ow, how I wish I could proudly say, "liongteck is gonna start to change his life!!"
Okay, I did thought of it.
Yea, if you gonna ask, do I even ever make a first step about this, the answer will be a big YES!
YES I DID!!
I shuted down my friendster and facebook.
I played the songs I sealed long time ago and listened to it like the normal other songs.
I tried to erase everything off from my mind.
I smiled everyday right after I wake up in the morning.
I keep on eat and eat and eat, so that I am able to go to sleep right after I lie down onto my bed before my mind start playing tricks with me.
I blocked and deleted things in the Hotmail.

So fucking shit that none of those things worked even a little.
Okay, I know I am EMO-ing again and this going to be another emo post.
HAH! Now I know I only write when I am in terrible mode.

I forgot when I did it, it be should about 2 weeks ago, I shuted down my friendster and facebook.
Reason?? I dont like to have them anymore :-D
.......... .... ... .. . . .. . . . . . . ..
Okay fine, the reason is always the same when I made a big decision.
Who the hell will go and stop doing the same thing which almost like a habit suddenly when he or she just feel dont like it.
I gotta admit that there is a lot of beautiful memories in that stuff especially the Friendster.
I can still remember the reason why I start into this thing.
That day when I cant wait to back from the school to open up the messages inside it.
The comments and the messages, I have to say it's bit pain in my heart when I shuted it down.
But hey, I gotta do something, right?

How I wish I have the flashy thingy in the "Men In Back" movie.
One flash, you forgot everything.
The best thing about that is, you can even alter your memories.
By then I would ask someone to flash it onto me, erase my 6 to 7 years memories and re-write it with happy stories.
Life would be so wonderful by then.
At least, I could forgot who I've met in my life....
You know, it's hard when sometimes sad keep haunting your mind. LOL!

Sigh...

Sometimes, I feel like I might one of the loneliest person in this world.
You might not able to see it from the outside, but if only I could get you inside of me, all you could see is the absolute darkness.
Sometimes, I feel that I am wrong to think that what all girls always want is love. In fact, what they want is a guy who doesn't make them cry.
Sometimes, I feel like I might be the ugliest and also the worst guy on earth. I must've done something that makes you leave me.
Sometimes, I hope I could ask for a hug or a kiss from you since it's impossible for me to ask for another chance anymore.
Sometimes, there is a little hope in my heart that you could see all what I've written in here. It's not to make you feel guilty but to let you know that, my heart is always empty since the day you left.

If it's in the past, you might get annoyed after reading everything I've written in here.
You never like me to write any emo post at all, not even one. HAHA
Even though now you are far away from me, I wonder the reason why I am still writing all these, is you as well.