Presence of yours..

I had ignore this blog for a very very long time,
Forget since when, but I know it's a very long time already.
Now, I am coming back to here for the same reason once again.
NO where to express out my feeling my pain,
No where to complain,
Definitely no one to company by myside and listen to me.
Few mins ago, I was still in a taxi on the way back to this college,
Few hours ago, in the plane towards here,
Yesterday, I was still in the Kuala Lumpur for my own convocation.
Well, I was all alone for my own convo, how much fun or enjoy can I be ?
There once in the past,I plan to bring her there but...things happen, isn't it ?
Just on the way back, she lingered through my mind and made me like...Haih ...
There were chances for me to online in KL to see how's she been nowadays through Fs but,..
I purposely missed out the chances and I tried to stay away from the internet explorer when I am in front of the computer or laptop.
It was just, I tried not to pull down my own feeling while I was there.
I smiled , tried to joke, laughed and doing all sort kind of stupid things,
But at the end , I still realized that, I was trying to cover my face with the mask.
Now, I am back to my own hostel, and ..yes, I see, I read, I carefully examined her Fs' profile,
She has her wonderful day in her new University, she's definitely happy and enjoy with her current life.
She's so in love, and feel so much freedom now.
Just dont know why I have the mixed feeling when I go to know this.
I suppose to be happy for her as well also right?
To be honest, I am not so happy, but I am not sad too ..
This feeling is just so....undescrible..
The other side of me feel like crying,
And another side of me thinking of no reason for me to cry and stopped the tears.
2 days ago, from a single to become a complicated one..
It really proved that, you feel like annoucing it but you just can't ..
Now I really feel like, it was really a big mistake for me to appear in your life..
Especially the part to be in love with you,
Grabbing a big part of chapter in your life.
I rather to be called as playboy, a bad guy,
But not the one, who make you sad in your life.
Am I being selfish to write these here too ?? ..
Can I assume that you are not going to read this blog anymore.
Perhaps the day may not come anyway, I bet you are not even going to read my msg too. =)
Reading the comments you left in the past, really really do make me think of you a lot...
I still can sincerely wish you happiness with your love one, leaving your world,
Just sometimes, I need some times to rest ...Sorry ..
If this is not too over, can I ask you to ease my pain for just few mins ?