You decide.

It's weird.
I found myself have a habit these days of sleeping in between 10-12am then woke up in the next 2-3 hour for sure.
Well that was alright, but the weird thing is, everytime when I woke up, I feel very very insecure.
It's like, I am very worry of something which even myself couldn't get what it is.
I don't know.
Slowly, the worry of mine, little by little were focused into my relationship between me and her.
That's when I feel the extreme loneliness.
I am still wasn't too sure at 1st, I thought it was just me, but this thought of mine was changed until I realized the action of her towards me from far.

Look, tell me what you want, instead of leaving me rotting here.
Tell me what's going on instead of leaving me wondering do I still having you by myside or not everyday.
Tell me what's so important about me that you instead of holding me tight, you prefer to just tied me up with a thin rope holding the other side of it.
Tell me what's in your mind when you never wan to care for me, and decide not to lose me too.
Tell me what are you thinking instead of putting love into our relationship, you keep hurting me from the inside.
Tell me, now tell me.

I tell you what, I love you, I care for you, that's why I try so hard not to find you but that's when I saw you prefer in others instead of me.
I tell you what, I never or even I can't afford to lose you, since you are so important to me that I hope to hold you so tightly and you push me backward when I tried to reach you.
I tell you what, I would go for you, if you call for me, but the fact is you will never call no matter what happened.
I tell you what, you know I would let you go to the place you prefer more as long as you asked from me and I would do my best leaving you alone.
I tell you what, I've been thinking about you everyday but I wonder do you even remember about me or not.

Today is the last day when you will be physically nearer to me.
And as I expected, you won't even find me yesterday to ask about today.
I wont even be surprised if you've already forgotten what I've ask of you last Monday as well.

By then, my love,
You will have me lose you for a very long time.
I will be at a place where it will be so dark that you wont be able to see me anymore.
A place where even sounds are not able to reach me.
And that's when you will have your Goodbye which you always love to.

You know, I've always been given you the power to decide everything in us.
Because whenever I try to decide anything, you will either push back or leaving me with an unreasonable amount of dissappointment.
For now, my love,
You decide, what we are.

Before, I always thought I've learnt the lesson to no have hopes for the future so that I wouldnt be hurt.
But as I indugled in you, I was forgetting that very basic mindset.
The emptier you are, the lesser you lose.
But why, when I am thinking about losing you, I feel that I am losing everything.