Remember What I Said To Myself.

Trying to grab the steering as hard as I could so that I know I am total in control with the car I was driving.
Through a lane, passing by.
I know just because I saw it.
I know what's in my mind, I know what I am thinking and I know what I am suppose to do.
So I laughed and smiled all the way trying to find something to distract myself.
It was almost perfect till suddenly I noticed the pain at my finger that I was bitting.
I know I couldn't hold any longer anymore.
So in the end, I burst and broken down.

What am I doing?
And why am I doing that?
That's the two main questions that I've been keep asking myself.
No answer was given.
I know what I had promised myself; remember what's the only mattter.
I've got to this no matter what and how.

For now, I am in total willing to pay any price just to ease this feeling a little.
Even by a little would be enough.

Sometimes especially at night, I've an urge to do something I know I suppose not to.
Maybe I should've just change my phone number away.
Maybe I should've just leave these places and go away as far as I could.
I just don't know why, I keep on feel like, there's a light ahead.
Haih...
Can someone please just tell me what should I do know, step by step, ended all of these.
I really dont know how much longer my mind and my heart could bear all these.
It just feel like I am going total insane.

Stated as at 1.10am, 30th April 2010 -