You Don't Care Anyway.

I’ve never feel so nice in the dark before.
With headphone deep in my ears, volume to the max, distracting my mind.
Casting away everything about you and me.
Trying to experience how is it likes to be you without me, but still I failed.
At least it works half with all the sounds bombing in my ears.
How I wish I could never take off them.

It’s not easy to not screaming out loud whenever I’m in the pain.
With all my might, I hold my breath as long as I could.
But no matter how hard I try, I still couldn’t hold myself from bursting into tears.
Wiping away my tears, I keep on repeating at myself that I promise not to cry anymore.
Not to show pity in front of anyone ever again.
Whatever comes, I will go through them, ALONE!

I wonder what is the “Sorry” is for.
For ignoring me?
For hurting my feeling?
For doesn't care me?
Or is it for telling me that whatever you said is just to make me feel better on that period of time?

If these are all about competition between me and her.
For now, I am raising the white flag.
Yes, finally, I’ve lost.
I am not like her who is able give everything you’ve ever dream of.
Love is everything I had.
But for now, it has lost it weight.
You’ve showed me the weight is at whose side all the time.

It doesn’t matter whatever I’ve said to you.
It’s not important anymore, or I should’ve known that you don’t really care in the first place.
It doesn’t matter what you’ve told me before.
For now I know, those were just temporary comfort to me.

I realize I’ve always been burdening you down with my so called love.
Even though I did try very hard not to do so, it failed most of the time.
I admit there is no way I would let you from leaving my life since it feels like cutting my own meat down.
But from everything I had saw from you, it’s always the better choice for you, for me.

Since you don’t care about me anyway,
I would just assume that you will be a lot happier this way.
The so called freedom, you will have, but in exchange, you will have me lost.
Happiness you will have, but in exchange, I will have you lost.

It’s kind of funny, at the time like this, your smiling face that I would smile whenever I think of, appear in my mind.

Does this settle your confusion a little?
Does this finally erase your dilemma after all these days?
I hope you will feel all of these worth a little.

A boy who loves you so much that he even forgot who he is anymore.