A dream

Two days ago, I was dreaming that one of my best friend was trying to kill me but in the end he killed her instead.
It was me the main cause of her death and putting her through the dangerous situation.
It was my fault for not pushing her away when she refused to leave by myside.
By the time I know she's dead because of me, eveything will be too late.
I should have know it was just a dream by the time she hold onto my hand and promised to never leave me no matter what happen.
I suppose to know it was a dream from the start when she with me.
Because those are the things that will be impossible to happen ever again.

I feel weak.

I didnt sleep for the whole night rushing my 40 questions to be done in 3 days time.
Each of them takes me at least 3- to 45 minutes to be done roughly only.
The Sun rises and I am struggling everywhere to look a stick of cigarrate, an ammo for me to fight through the day.
Thanks God for leaving me a stick left in my bag.
But no thanks for You to let me to choose a wrong time to relax my mind for awhile.

I always know since yesterday's dream, my mind keep on pulling me towards her.
I've tried everything to distract her off; I am willing to pay for it but it doesnt work at all.
The songs that I've been singing, the lyrics and the musics seem to keep reminding me of her everytime.
I've tried to yell, tried on my every masks, ...no hope.

I know, I can't afford to distract even a little for these 3 days.
But whenever I am at my weakest point, the stronger the senses of her got into my mind.

Oh..What should I do?
What else can I do?
Why cant I just be like a man, forget anything as long as I will for it.

People said, even the strongest man in the world may crumble for a love.
I might the only person in the world raising his both hand agree with the fact.

How nice it would be if I am like the Aladdin who found a magical lamp with a genie granting my 3 wishes.

I will grant you your freedom as my third wish, Genie.
But before that, happiness for all the people around me especially the person I love the most.
Next, will be me disappear from this world, wiping every evidence about my existence.

With these, no one will be sad anymore, none have to pretend and no one with the excessive feeling of missing a person anymore.

It doesnt feel good when you miss a person a lot but you could say it out as you know no one will care.
It will only make you look stupidier and weaker.
Sometimes, I really think that, it's the time.
For me to terminate everything that's connected to her.
This blog, my facebook, my e-mail, my msn..
Till I do my part...my mind and my heart.

Who...you me? or her and them. Obvious.

It is said that, the person who asked the most is the person to worry and care the most.
But at the same time, he or she might be the bad person in the story who is trying to figure out how's the thing goes and plan a further step for another evil plan.
Not sure which one, but I am trying hard to figure out which role I am playing at.
Innocent or the evil one.

I gotta admit I did asked her out for awhile last week.
I don't know if it's the loneliness had blinded me or am I really had went crazy for being alone for a too long time.
That's just the time when I learnt how scary will the loneliness be. When I always thought that I am always a good loner.

Maybe I should say, it's a fortunate thing that she doesn't care at all. =)
Yes, I was rejected, undirectly.

I thought I should be the one crying and pity by others.
But the fact is, I am not. At least I know I dont have the right to be.
You see, today I snapped myself out from my "evil plan".
I don't really know the true reason for me to ask her out again when I promise not to even contact with her again.

I almost forget the reason I decide to let her go and never to see her again.
I almost forget the pain I had to go through when she decided to put a full stop to the story that I struggled so hard to save.
I almost forget the cold tears she dropped not because of us, but for just seeing me in a miserable situation.
More importantly...I almsot forget how I miserably messed up her life, and the pain I gave her for her to decide not to hold onto the love that was once so strong.

I had a dream today.
Call it a sweet dream or nightmare, I dont really know anymore.
I was asked to hug her by no one but herself.
I knew it was a dream the moment she hold onto my hands but I just did it anyway.
I always knew the dream was going to end but at least, I was able to feel the great feeling I had once in the past again which I know, it's impossible in reality anymore.
But...just right before I woke up..
I felt tears rolling down my cheek.
I dont know if it's mine or hers.
It just broke my heart.

All the while, I thought that if I try very hard to think at the bright side I might just free myself from this love bound.
If I can't find my way out, I just have to close my eyes and rush foward for one day later, I might be able to have my wings back once again.
However, these loneliness made me realise that I am not going anywhere except than running around the circle.

God,...I really am sorry... I just couldnt do it alone.
I am lost again.
Please guide me.
Tell me how and what I should do.
At least a better resolve, a better determination for me to stop looking for her anymore.
I dont want to hurt her anymore...Help me.

Fuck the loneliness, Fuck the pain..
Tie me up, hide my wings,,,Shut my heart and brain down.

Y

It has been a week since I am all alone without a single soul company me by myside.
This is terrible and I know I had underestimate the term of lonely too much.
And now I am punished due to my own arrogant.
Somehow, this really remind me of a sentence said by a character in the movie, Protege, "Which is scarier; loneliness or drug?"
I am sure I can't differentiate them apart as well.

I got to know one of her friend had passed away today.
And she got so sad that she cried and even made a video for her dear friend.

Hmmm..
I just wonder, why it makes me wanna cry with them as well.
It seems to sour inside and made my tears flows from my both eyes as well.

I dont know..
Could it be of their friend's tragedy??
Or maybe I was just touched by their friendship ness.
Probably just because I am so alone these days, so I was already down in mood from the begining.
But I am just thinking..Could it be that I got to know she is really sad now?

It breaks my heart unconsiously and I failed to hold onto my tears when the image of her crying appear in my mind.
And the worst thing is, I am not able to do anything to ease her heart a little except than the sms I sent to her after considering for a very long time. - If only it works.

It pains to know when you are not needed.
It pains even more to see the person you cherish so much are so sad and you are not able to do anything at all.

All I can say is,
Cheer up, girl. Your dear friend is with God now. She is happy with friends like you all. Be strong and pray for her.

Unexpected

Honestly I didn't really expect her to poped up in my mind so much tonight.
When I say didn't expect, it means I was totally unprepared which is a bad thing and the reason that lead me to here once again.

It started when my friend asked me to go for the "old cow vs tender grass movie".
Evryone who had already watched the movie should know that the movie was about the beautiful love stories that make you tears and mucus from nose.
Actually I don't really hate those love stories or movies.
It is just that watching those kind of movies remind me a lot her.
"How nice if they are me and you" bla bla bla...
To make thing worst, even though it was a late movie, there were still a lot of couple watching the movie including my friends. =/ hmmm...

"Alright", I thought, " I guess when I'm back, I will just maple a little before go to bed. This should do some distraction"
However, ... You see when I was back to Sibu last to time, I brought over a radio clock with me here. Since then, whenever I am back to my room, I will just on the radio to break the silentness in my room and as well to find some new songs to listen to.
But tonight, there's not a single new song in the air.
Instead, there are only those slow and sad songs and almost all of them make me remind about the past of me and her.
Some songs are taboo to me and they were all aired. =.="

In the end, I am here. Duhhh....
Don't ask me why, I don't know me myself as well.
Maybe I am just hoping after writing evrything in here, it might ease my heart a little.
A little would be enough since the desperate person can't be choosy isn't it?
Or...
Could this be a way for me to say " I miss you"
to ask " sometime, do you ever miss me more you should since that day? If yes, what will you do?"

you know, everytime when I think about you and her, it reminds me of how happy you are now.
That's what encourage me to push myself as far as I could from you.

The Moon might not be blue anymore.

I've been trying so hard to avoid everything that remind me of her since that day.
Limiting my thoughts, blocking every single memory of hers.
Distracting my attention everytime when I know things about her is going to appear.
Focusing on controlling eveywhere single of nerve at my fingers not to click anything about her on my laptop. Including this blog of mine that accumulated my memories of hers.
I know I've been trying to follow her steps to avoid instead of facing the cruel reality.
I thought if I can hold onto these for as long as I could, I might just get through these eventually.

Oh well.
I'm now standing at the balcony outside my room, armed with my itouch and a cigarate lited on the other hand.
I'm not sure if I'm already at my limit, the silent ness of the night, or is it this feeling of loneliness that guide me to this old blog of mine.
Maybe it's just my heart that seems haven't done wanting to talk to you I guess.
I'm gotta have to admit all of these happened without filtering through my mind.
That's what happen when I act according to my feeling =\.

Maybe just tonight, I will be breaking the law of you to trepass through me.

My has always been a dark one since I was a kid.
I always act as tough as I could not to be standing at the bottom, avoid any help from others and of course not to burden anyone around me.
Till the day you appeared.
You are just like the light who lit up the darkness inside of me and taught me there is always someone I could rely on.
I just don't have to carry everything on myself.
I'm happy and hope of keeping evrything of you just with me.
Maybe, just because I overdid this, you left.

I know I couldn't Never ever have the chance to look for you anymore.
As it was me myself who decided on this.
Because I know who I am, how weak my resolve would be, I might just force myself into you again.
And I might scare you if it does happen again.
That's what I've been trying to avoid. For you to be scare of me.

I was just thinking, if there is one day for the "blue moon" do appear again for you to read this, ...
I'm sorry.
And thank you for once litting up inside my life.

A short one

Sometimes, I feel like crying for you as the reason.
But I hold onto my tears trying so hard to divert my thought to anything else but you.
For at least I know, I don't drop tears for you anymore.
Obviously, I still cant get over with the pain of losing you.
But I do try as hard as I could to mask up the wound.
Like how stubborn my heart towards you, I will try with all my might masking them up.
For no one else can ever trace a single of you in me anymore.

Be happy, girl, BE REALLY HAPPY. I mean it. I swear.

I thought I've gained the immunity.
I thought with everything I did, I will be able to go through everything peacefully.
I dont need any glory but not the pain as well.
I thought The God must have answered my prayer by taking away the pain in exchange with the happiness.

But why, without any warning she appeared before my eyes??!!!!!!
Damn it!!
Confidence that I've been working so hard picked up little by little had been crashed into nothing at all.
I just, couldnt do anything.
No!! I can't cry.
With all my might I hold onto myself.
No!! I can't chase her from behind.
I promise myself not to take a single step forward anymore.
She's happy now and I should forget any possibility about me and her.

Damn it GOD!!
This hurts!

Why do I still feel my question would be answered one day later?
I've been so careful since that day but everything is ruined.

I should've reject my friends for the movie just now.
I should've lock myself in my own room today.

I really wonder what's in her mind when she saw me just now.
Must be feeling damn unlucky at that time.
or..
It's funny to see how pitiful I've become.

I tried, I swear to God I tried to shake away everything and laugh.
But I just couldn't make it right.

I don't want to sleep tonight.
I don't want to cry today.
I don't want these kind of feeling anymore.
I give up and I dont want to try anything anymore.
I just wanna sit here peacefully in the dark and hug myself.
Not doing anything.
Just to be as careful as I can, keeping my mind blank..........................................................
Letting the time pass by.
Do waht I should do, finish my job and leave everything behind, disappear.

If the time is not the cure.
All I can do is to escape from everything.

Two Is Better Than One

It's a kind of human nature to choose what's better in or for their life.
It's not selfish, not self-priority.
Not purposely hurting, not to be sorry at all.
For the current me, maybe Two is really better than One...

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought
"Hey, you know, this could be something"
'Cause everything you do and words you say
You know that it all takes my breath away
And now I'm left with nothing

So maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one

I remember every look upon your face
The way you roll your eyes
The way you taste
You make it hard for breathing
'Cause when I close my eyes and drift away
I think of you and everything's okay
I'm finally now believing

That maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
And maybe two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking two is better than one

I remember what you wore on the first day
You came into my life and I thought, "Hey..."

Maybe it's true
That I can't live without you
Maybe two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
And you've already got me coming undone
And I'm thinking
I can't live without you
'Cause, baby, two is better than one
But there's so much time
To figure out the rest of my life
But I'll figure it out
When all is said and done
Two is better than one
Two is better than one

你看不到的天空

Artist Name: Evan Yo
Album Name: 寂寞，好了
Song Name: 你看不到的天空

好像飄浮了很久
自從那天你放開了手
應該是兩個人來的港口
我一個人在虛擬溫柔

用你的目光看海
可樂冰痛了我的指頭
幸福又快樂的地球人
不斷從我的身邊經過

對你還能怎麼說　能怎麼做
做什麼也都不夠
插在口袋中
是沒有人來握住的手

我的表情並不多　心也不痛
我只不過是不懂
世界在熱鬧什麼

我在你看不到的天空　
看著燦爛的煙火
這城市孤單的人只有我

沒有誰在乎　誰跟誰分手
每個時鐘都繼續轉動

許下你聽不到的承諾　
流星怎麼不墜落
在倒數聲中我剩下什麼

沒有誰甘心　對回憶愛不釋手
但我無力對抗　這整個世界的寂寞

我該如何去面對　整個世界的寂寞

Remember What I Said To Myself.

Trying to grab the steering as hard as I could so that I know I am total in control with the car I was driving.
Through a lane, passing by.
I know just because I saw it.
I know what's in my mind, I know what I am thinking and I know what I am suppose to do.
So I laughed and smiled all the way trying to find something to distract myself.
It was almost perfect till suddenly I noticed the pain at my finger that I was bitting.
I know I couldn't hold any longer anymore.
So in the end, I burst and broken down.

What am I doing?
And why am I doing that?
That's the two main questions that I've been keep asking myself.
No answer was given.
I know what I had promised myself; remember what's the only mattter.
I've got to this no matter what and how.

For now, I am in total willing to pay any price just to ease this feeling a little.
Even by a little would be enough.

Sometimes especially at night, I've an urge to do something I know I suppose not to.
Maybe I should've just change my phone number away.
Maybe I should've just leave these places and go away as far as I could.
I just don't know why, I keep on feel like, there's a light ahead.
Haih...
Can someone please just tell me what should I do know, step by step, ended all of these.
I really dont know how much longer my mind and my heart could bear all these.
It just feel like I am going total insane.

Stated as at 1.10am, 30th April 2010 -

Confession(s)

I have some(a) confession(s) to make.
Since whenever, I had been going against my own heart.
I mean, whatever my heart felt, I tried so hard pushing the opposite way.
As for the result, nothing were going well.. at all!!

I am kind of a person that always follow the way that whatever my heart tell me to.
I believe in it but too bad it's not a good thing for a person like me who love to take risks.
Ahhh!!

I know I am not a perfect human.
Definitely not a good lover.
I tried and failed miserably.
But, for a good part, God gave me a heart that never give up on anything I love and always want to.
Hmm..I think I got to know more about myself since the day she finally deicided to left me.
I found that I've never try to dig deep down into myself.
Instead, I've always been trying to find out who she are.

Seriously, I have been writing a lot lately.
I always do that when I am not in the good mood, whenever my mind popping about her, whenever my feeling, my decisions, my heart waivered a little.
But, I never post any of them here.
Probably there's a little corner of my heart doesn't want her to see all of them.
But you guys may ask, "Why am I doing this now?"
Well, she will be flying back here the next day.
So I guess she won't be reading this for a long long time, myabe for days, or probably months. Well, there's a possibilty of "never" =).

I played a lot since that day.
Maybe I am just outsourcing some happiness since I've lost mine or, trying to cover waht I realy feel right now.
I've lost my motivation in life, I've lost my interest in almost anything.
She might be the one decide to leave me, but I am the one who decide to let her go.

Truthly speaking, some days ago I did tried to post something here to show that I am happy and doing well.
But when I opened my laptop, I was blank.
Maybe it is still easier to fake a smile physically if there's by any chance she and I meet.

I learnt something.
The past is the past, it's not important at all, so, forget them.
When two person together, doesnt mean they share the same heart and mind, if you don't say, he or she won't know what you think.
When you made a person you love smile for you, *pufff* it's like magic, you forget everything not nice happened between you and her and that's the time you may smile from your heart as well.
Your lover's hands are still always the best things in the world to hold, you almost can't let go of it.
Love is all about, she "yes" and "I do".

Okay, I admit.
I miss her.
So badly especially when the real happy face of her appear in my mind all the time.
There are times when I tried to brave myself to look for her but, whenver I think of burdening her for so long time, I gave up.
There are times when I wanna ask if there's any even a tiny biny possibility between me and her, I gave up because I am scare I may not able to be a better person for her.
Sometimes, I am thinking of just being friends with her but, I know myself could hardly control my own whenever she's beside me.
All I can do is, looking at her from far without her knowing my existence.
I can pretend I don't care, but I can't deny that my heart is still everything about her.
You know, there are lots of time that I was thinking, how if I do this and how if I do that when I am with her but....nah, I think since that day, there's no me in her anymore, so, what the hell am I thinking?

She's happy now, that's all the matters right?
But God, I've got to admit sometimes, I really do need her by myside even for just one minute.
Without talking at all, a smile would be just enough.

Kinda miss the time when she hugged my from my back, it feels like the warmest thing I've ever felt in my life.
That's when I felt, I am love by someone I love; the wwas be the best feeling ever in my whole life and it will always be.

A Note To God,
Dear God, as You know, my b'day is coming soon.
So, if there's any possibility, I may like to ask for a heart that is made of stone.
So that, I won't be able to feel anything at all anymore.
Thank you.
Amen.

Streamyx - The worst of everything.

"All of our TM customer representative are still busy. We will be reaching you as soon as possible."

That's what I paid for almost RM20 for since yesterday when I called the TM centre asking for the reason of why my internet line keep on disconnecting.
What I got in return?
"We will be giving you the feedback as soon as possible."
FUCK YOU!!

I feel so so angry and frustrated now.
I can feel the smoke coming out from both my ears and my head is boiling at the max temp.

I paid for the service to make myself angry!!!
If I didnt even call them yesterday, they won't even bother to inform me that my Streamyx line was actually connected and I get myself online already. SHIT THEM!
Well, that was okay.

The real problem of my anger is that, this SHITTY line get disconnected for every 2-5 minutes, never survive longer than that.
Then I have to wait for more than 5 mins to get it connected again.

NIAMA, ASAP!! Since yesterday, animal. More than 24 hours already.
No wonder Malaysia's Internet Service provider is rated way down below the worst among the world.

To get thing worse, TM actually even dare to sponsor some sort of event that doesn't even have a single connection with their service.
For example, the recent Ah Mei's Amit World Tour Concert.
Still got face to do so when the services provided is so lousy.
You thought Ah Mei is going to eat your lousy Streamyx service is it??!!
Instead wasting the fucking money at sponsor on non-related thing, why dont you just make your line better?

If you guys were me, some of you people might had already blown your own head up to the space while been given this kind of service and receiving a bill amounting up to RM200!!.
You paid for nothing except than worsening your own temper.
NO wonder there's lot of Malaysians are boycotting Streamyx.

If providing services is the main business of a company, satisfaction of the customer is the most important thing of all.
KEEP THAT IN MIND!! TURTLE-Myx!

An Antique

Do you guys ever try to dig into your old rotting vault for some very old songs that you listened to for the past, around ..urm ..5-10 years back before?
LOL!!!
This is what the liongteck is doing now.
I can't deny I am a bit past-tense person (urm okay, maybe a little bit too over). Haha.

And guess what songs am I listen to now?

One of the S.H.E.'s album~

Together!! =P



I tell you guys what, for me, that's the best album ever from them, not the lastest SHERO or whatever pussy cat.

I love, Always On My Mind, I love Tian Shi Zhai Chang Ge (Angle is singing), I love Bai She Lian Ge (White Love Song), Wo He Xing Fu You Yue Ding (I have date with the happiness [should be translated like this bah])!! I LOVE ALL OF THEM!

It reminds me of the past 9 years CNY I was having.
In the Cyber, Counter-Strike "ing" with friends with lots of foul words. HAHA!

That was one of the best celebration of CNY I ever had in my life.
No worries at all.

What's in the mind?

How am I going to get through my day today?
That’s the very first question I’ve been asking myself as I opened my eyes on the bed.
Well, I can sleep through the whole day or re-watching all the animes or movies.
If there’s an internet line here, I’m sure I would be Mapling my day off.
But the fact is, I don’t.
So, I tried the 1st option which is to sleep.
Mm, it worked for not more than 1 hour and I got frustrated.
Probably the alcohol doesn’t work anymore.
So I tried the later one and I found that I can almost remember every single word of the characters is going to say. SHIT HUH?!!!

I grabbed my Ipod, my wallet, my hand phone and the keys; changed my clothes and head to the nearby park for a jog.
Before, I would always go for a jogging to release my tension or whenever I was down by hoping that I could tired me off to death so that I could sleep at night.
But I forget since when, the spell seems to be losing the effect.
So this time I’m going to jog with every single ounce of my energy; even by walking I am going to use every tiny-biny of them off.
With the songs played in my ears, somehow I got even down that I expected.

Maybe I got way too into the songs, I found myself was in tears that I thought suppose to dried up since yesterday.
Well, that was still ok, since I don’t think anyone would found out due to the massive sweat I had on my face.

At the moment I was thinking, what I should I do or say to you tomorrow; the day you will fly here again.
Every sentence seems like a trap.
I don’t feel like making you uneasy.
But I think we really do need to clear this thing out, for good.

You know,
I seem to have floating around for a long time.
Trying so hard to kill the pain since the day you ignored me.
I think I’ve been to the place which seems to be for lovers; standing among them trying to look for some for my own.
Do you know that there are actually a lot of happy couples exist in this city?
They walked non-stop passing by me.
I am now standing under the sky you couldn’t see, watching the most exciting movie feels like I’m carrying the whole world’s loneliness.
Trying to keep the promise you never know.

Maybe I shouldn’t have followed the pace of yours who loves instant happiness for just a moment.
I tried so hard to make myself to get off the track that we had gone through together.
But no matter how hard I push and pull; I still couldn’t get myself out of the zone.
It seems to be most of the time I was alone to fight for the forever of our love.
Until today, I am still alone, testing my own limit.

I was wondering of why I always think that there must some kind of kinder excuses.
But almost all the time I tried, the outcomes are always unexpected.
Honestly, sometimes I am hoping to be just like you.
Let me have a day of your happiness.
Trying to understand how you feel, with lots of people around you all the time.
As the loneliness never exist.

I looked myself in the mirror and found that there are lots of words in my heart can’t be said.
Wondering when the day is for me to able to release them.
What kind of expression I should show?
How should I express them?

As I am growing up, I found that this world is changing all the times and you are too.
Sweet words don’t seem to be as sweet as before anymore.
Everything about me is not as important as before.
Remembering the day that you care for our love a lot, that was the most beautiful, the most genuine happiness I ever felt in my life.
Sometimes I was thinking, am I being too naïve if I ask,
“Can I experience one more time the feeling of you do really care for me till the day you want me to leave?”

Sometimes I do think you are just acting stupid or else it would mean that you really don’t care anymore.
Silence is always the answer you gave.
Somehow I should’ve told you waiting for you has never been an easy job for me.
It’s true that I really don’t know how to express myself.
All I know when you are truly in love, you might end up being the one who got hurt the most.
I also know there are many ways of loving a person.
One of them is granting her the freedom or sincerely blessing them from heart.
ARR!! Who knows how hurtful it would be of sending of his loves one?
I will be the 1st who raise my hand.

I could still feel the scent of your kiss.
The shadow of yours sitting besides holding my cold freezing hand.

Some people are just that easy to fall in love and forgetting them by just clicking their fingers.

Listening to the song titled “HAO XIANG HAO HAO AI NI” remind me of the last song you sang on my last and the only b’day with you by my side.
I don’t care is it for me or her, I think I would just selfishly treat it as you are singing the song just for me.
Since I know you seem to almost cry every time when you heard and sing the song.
I know; I just can’t say it out for fear that; it’s not because of me.

There it goes; liongteck is emo-ing once again when he knows he is not supposing to.

Sane No More

I was totally on fire yesterday.
You see, I've been very uneasy with my life since last week and never had a good day for myself.
And, I wonder when was the last day that I could fall asleep at the night time already.
Yesterday probably the day that my uneasiness or anger was on its climax I think.
I can't sit still, I can't think well and YES!! I almost like having a sign of going crazy soon.
I found myself bitting my thumb a lot with driving around and inhaled way too much nicotine as I usual did.

Well, I seriously need help.
So, I asked my housemate whether want to go sing K with me.
Oh, my main purpose was to shout everything out. LOL!
But these were what happened.
I asked him at the day time but he seemed not to has any interest at all so he rejected.
But due to the boring"ness" we were having in the same house with only 2 guys who don't talk much, I managed to persuaded him to go but at the night time.
So, I got myself ready the moment he said yes.

Ok, that was way too early to prepare myself, so I did everything I could to distract my mind a little bit.
Borrowing his broadband to see this and that, trying to milk out some topic to talk to him, and bla bla bla ..
YES!! It was finally 8pm!

First I drove my us to the nearest Popwave but the place seems to be so fucking dammn full or probably the Kuching people are way too "kiasu" so lots of them called and booked their room so they can come late and see the person who came early for not having any room.
We left and went into The Spring to the K box, and as we saw the price listed at the outside board, I was thinking, that's is alright, only RM3 more than the Popwave.
BUT!!! My housemate suddenly said, "No, I think the time was too long, I scare later my phone will keep on ringing."
I was like, " FUCK YOU MAN!! YOU PLAY ME IS IT??! WHY DONT YOU JUST SAY NO IN THE FIRST PLACE?! I DIDNT FORCE YOU WITH A KNIFE ON THE NECK, DID I?"
Of course, I didn't say those all out or else I will be even lonelier than I was now.
Instead I ask, "Then what are we going to do now?"
"Watch movie la", he answered.
Seriously, at that time when I heard this, I really feel like vomiting at the spot!
I mean it I swear.

Look, I've been watching 3 straight night movies in 3 days plus 1 or 2 more this week and I even almost choose to watch 2 movies at a the night before.
Movie again, you will see me running around in the movie hall naked and screaming all the bad words you could think of.

He seems to know that he had offended me and brought me to the legendary Holland so he suggested us to drink some tea before headed back and we did.
However, Like I said, I cant even sit still at all.
All I remember was being a cho-cho train for all the time there to keep myself down a little then finally head back.
You see, most of the time, I would think of a shortest route to reach the destination while I am driving but this time, I can't even think so I would just drive anywhere I can as long as I could reach home.
But before that, I came a coffee shop and had myself a little "painkiller"
It's the thing that saved my night.
Seriously, it never tasted as nice as that night before.
It was the best lullaby, best mind distraction thingy.



LOL!!
As I always stress on that I am never a drinker, I mean it.
But yesterday I was totaly insane that I really in need of them.
I willingly gulped down an amount of it and it feels good when I could feel that it started working at my system.

I've always been describing some people who always stick their night at the bars as.. well, you know.
But somehow, I finally realised what are they have been going through.
I really does feel good at the time like this even it's only for a moment.
I've never drink any beers tastier than this.
I've never so graceful that I was having headahce the moment the alcohol is taking place.
I've never been vomitting with a smile before.
I've never been crying my heart out loud with a laugh like yesterday.
And it really has been a long time since I could finally tired myself out on the bed at the night time.
Somehow, I just dont care I might get addicted for being at the heaven even though for just a moment.

Remind me of a saying in the movie of Protege, "Which one is the scariest of all; drugs or the loneliness?"
I think I finally understand you and most of the people in this very world.

你真的爱我吗？

我在想，这一次，即使太阳出来了，我还能够睡的造吗？
好想时间可以快一点过去哦，直到我的心不在这么的痛那一天。
我真的不知道你想在我的身上找些设么。。
为设么还要叫我回来呢？
难道真的只是因为而可怜我吗？

真的，真的好想念以前的你。
一个全心全意爱我的你。
一个会为我而打扮的你。
一个会更我说你好想我的你。
一个在等着我回来的你。
一个，真正知道我爱她的你。

也许我的话对你来说已不重要了。
也许你早已都不相信我述说的一切了吧，所以你拆会不记得你对我来说有多重要了。

你在也不在这么做了，这是不是代表我对你来说没有这么重要了呢？

如果可以的话，真的好想能够知到你的心里在想些设么。

但是我知道，你不会关心我了。

这里所有的字是我为了更想了解你而学的。
但是，我永远也猜不透你的心。

如果你记得的话，这里有一个好想念你的人。
一个爱你爱到快看不到他自己了。
但你在做那所有的事的时候，会不会还有他呢？

看到太阳了，我还不想回到我的房间去。
好想继续坐着不要动，直到所有的一切都消失去。

You Don't Care Anyway.

I’ve never feel so nice in the dark before.
With headphone deep in my ears, volume to the max, distracting my mind.
Casting away everything about you and me.
Trying to experience how is it likes to be you without me, but still I failed.
At least it works half with all the sounds bombing in my ears.
How I wish I could never take off them.

It’s not easy to not screaming out loud whenever I’m in the pain.
With all my might, I hold my breath as long as I could.
But no matter how hard I try, I still couldn’t hold myself from bursting into tears.
Wiping away my tears, I keep on repeating at myself that I promise not to cry anymore.
Not to show pity in front of anyone ever again.
Whatever comes, I will go through them, ALONE!

I wonder what is the “Sorry” is for.
For ignoring me?
For hurting my feeling?
For doesn't care me?
Or is it for telling me that whatever you said is just to make me feel better on that period of time?

If these are all about competition between me and her.
For now, I am raising the white flag.
Yes, finally, I’ve lost.
I am not like her who is able give everything you’ve ever dream of.
Love is everything I had.
But for now, it has lost it weight.
You’ve showed me the weight is at whose side all the time.

It doesn’t matter whatever I’ve said to you.
It’s not important anymore, or I should’ve known that you don’t really care in the first place.
It doesn’t matter what you’ve told me before.
For now I know, those were just temporary comfort to me.

I realize I’ve always been burdening you down with my so called love.
Even though I did try very hard not to do so, it failed most of the time.
I admit there is no way I would let you from leaving my life since it feels like cutting my own meat down.
But from everything I had saw from you, it’s always the better choice for you, for me.

Since you don’t care about me anyway,
I would just assume that you will be a lot happier this way.
The so called freedom, you will have, but in exchange, you will have me lost.
Happiness you will have, but in exchange, I will have you lost.

It’s kind of funny, at the time like this, your smiling face that I would smile whenever I think of, appear in my mind.

Does this settle your confusion a little?
Does this finally erase your dilemma after all these days?
I hope you will feel all of these worth a little.

A boy who loves you so much that he even forgot who he is anymore.

Assure Me a Little

I am like a child who was promised a bedtime story tale by his mother tonight.
Since he knows how busy his mother will be, so he waited patiently on the bed with books to choose for her mother to read for him tonight.
However, no matter how long he waited, his mother just won’t show up in his room.
Afraid of creating disturbance to his mother, he waited and waited.
In the end, he slept with the books on his hands, with the doors and the lights on expecting that his mother would come.
By the time he woke up in the next few hours, with great disappointment, he realized that her mother never even come in for his tale.
The lights were still on and the doors were still widely opened.
And still, he holds the same books in his hands.
Wondering if it is his mother doesn’t like to tell him the story or he was forgotten.
The poor boy knows he would never know the stories inside the books since he will not ask the same questions from his mother anymore.
It’s not because he didn’t dare to.
It’s because he’s afraid that if he ask her again, her mother would tend to forget him or hate him even more.
With hopes that his mother would come in one day on her own for his bed time story, he hugs the books every night while he is sleeping, even though, he knows it is almost impossible to happen.

-Your words aren’t promises-
They are assurances.
I am sure that I belief in them.
And with those assurances, I can assure that I am still in the safe zone.
But if they are broken, you’ll lose my trusts.

So, I am in love with your smiles.
If I am not the source of your happiness, I wonder, will it be the best option for me to leave you at the other side.

I just thought I will be okay at first, but in fact, I am still not.

You decide.

It's weird.
I found myself have a habit these days of sleeping in between 10-12am then woke up in the next 2-3 hour for sure.
Well that was alright, but the weird thing is, everytime when I woke up, I feel very very insecure.
It's like, I am very worry of something which even myself couldn't get what it is.
I don't know.
Slowly, the worry of mine, little by little were focused into my relationship between me and her.
That's when I feel the extreme loneliness.
I am still wasn't too sure at 1st, I thought it was just me, but this thought of mine was changed until I realized the action of her towards me from far.

Look, tell me what you want, instead of leaving me rotting here.
Tell me what's going on instead of leaving me wondering do I still having you by myside or not everyday.
Tell me what's so important about me that you instead of holding me tight, you prefer to just tied me up with a thin rope holding the other side of it.
Tell me what's in your mind when you never wan to care for me, and decide not to lose me too.
Tell me what are you thinking instead of putting love into our relationship, you keep hurting me from the inside.
Tell me, now tell me.

I tell you what, I love you, I care for you, that's why I try so hard not to find you but that's when I saw you prefer in others instead of me.
I tell you what, I never or even I can't afford to lose you, since you are so important to me that I hope to hold you so tightly and you push me backward when I tried to reach you.
I tell you what, I would go for you, if you call for me, but the fact is you will never call no matter what happened.
I tell you what, you know I would let you go to the place you prefer more as long as you asked from me and I would do my best leaving you alone.
I tell you what, I've been thinking about you everyday but I wonder do you even remember about me or not.

Today is the last day when you will be physically nearer to me.
And as I expected, you won't even find me yesterday to ask about today.
I wont even be surprised if you've already forgotten what I've ask of you last Monday as well.

By then, my love,
You will have me lose you for a very long time.
I will be at a place where it will be so dark that you wont be able to see me anymore.
A place where even sounds are not able to reach me.
And that's when you will have your Goodbye which you always love to.

You know, I've always been given you the power to decide everything in us.
Because whenever I try to decide anything, you will either push back or leaving me with an unreasonable amount of dissappointment.
For now, my love,
You decide, what we are.

Before, I always thought I've learnt the lesson to no have hopes for the future so that I wouldnt be hurt.
But as I indugled in you, I was forgetting that very basic mindset.
The emptier you are, the lesser you lose.
But why, when I am thinking about losing you, I feel that I am losing everything.

If only one day you would just let me walk into your mind.

It has been awhile since the last time I sat outside alone watching the moon and the stars writing things with lots of her in my mind.
I can still remember that feeling of how bad I miss her at that time.
And still, I am.
Even though we’ve just met just now, it still feels like it has already been weeks probably months I’ve never see you in face.
Ouh, I never thought I would be such a jerk once again.

You will be leaving in a week time.
By then, we won’t be seeing each other for a very long time anymore.
I am really regretted of what I did just now, or what I didn’t do.

Maybe I was just angry.
A little jealous maybe.
Because I always thought with the entire patient I could wait, it will be paid off one day.
3 weeks, 3 Sundays, that’s all I had been thinking.
After that you will be back to the person who might care for and miss me just a little more.
In fact, I was told that I won’t be able to see you for another 14 weeks, 14 Sundays starting today.
I am a little jealous, jealous of the person who will be given your 10 days among these 98 days though.

Sigh.
I am really wondering what is on your mind now.
What’ve you been thinking of me?
If there is any possible, I really would like you to tell me everything on your mind.

I know I can’t stop you from doing what you want, at least that is the only thing that I think I can do for you.
I definitely can’t stop you from pursing your dream.

I know I’ve been acting like a kid demanding for attention.
But you should know I did this because of I love you don’t you?
I know there’s lots of ways of loving a person.
Maybe I only did that best when you are not by my side, just like in the past.
Maybe you have your way of loving a person as well.

You must know that I didn’t take the kiss just now it is all because I am a little scare of that might the last one.
If I am given a second chance like just now, I doubt I could hold myself once again.

You will never remember me whenever you are into your works, that’s when I’ve been thinking am I losing you already.
I did my best in grabbing your little attention, I did my best to remind you of me just a little, but I never thought all of these were just annoyance to you.
I am not as tough as you can see.
I am fragile especially with the person I never want to lose in my life, maybe a little too fragile.
I am sorry.

You will be leaving on the coming Saturday and your busiest day of the week will be ended by the day before that.
I was just thinking if I would be given another chance for me to claim the kiss I haven’t got just now.
I miss them so so badly now.
Your hugs and the kisses.

3/4/2010

I could still remember that day when I was about to stop my pace and try to walk on my own.
Without you in front me, without me following anyone anymore.
It was the day that I tried so hard to mask up myself in front the other everyone telling them I am happy.

And that’s when I heard you called my name from far, asking where am I.
I decide to ignore at first, try to take my own very first step.
But in the end, I failed to oblige myself.
I ran back to you as fast as I could.
As I thought there is a chance to start everything over once again.

It was sweet a first.
It had been so long since I felt my steps were so light.
Not even a single weight I could feel.

But people say happiness never last longer than you thought.
It was so true that these days I began to ask how long I do worth this time.
I found myself are just following you around, watching your steps, trying very hard to adopt your pace.
Counting the days you may turn back and call my name again.
But in the end, you made me doubt if all these worth even a little or not.

Assumptions were made when you don’t say a word.
Don’t blame on it since you never want to talk to me.
Your actions were the thing that created these assumptions.

Thank you for calling my name and turned back on me once I’ve reached you there.
At least I thought, I could hear your voice for a time again.

Thank you for making me feels that I am important again.
Even for a short little time.

I am just wondering if one and a half year days are equivalent to less than 2 months,
How long should I wait for a “forever”.

Tell you what, in case you can’t feel it, it feels as pain as the first time you left.

I don’t change huh?

Campanion.

I've been running around the whole town looking for something.
Something that could kill my loneliness forever so that I wont ever to create the annoyance for other.
Something that is never busy and may given his or her full attention to you as long as you treat him or her nice.
Something like me, who needs attention all the time and never being ignored.
Something that is definitely never let my effort gone to waste and treating it as annoyance.
Something that understand you LOVE him or her.

That's the reason ..
I love dogs.
It may not talk like human do, but at least, that's the best companion I might ever had in my life.
At least, it doenst feel me annoying.

Hi , How are you...

This is me speaking ..
Does this surprise you a little?
Perhaps not, because it seems more like a disturbance.
Annoying little one. The poor little lonely one.

How I wish for only one day we are able to exchange our characters in life.
For you to experience my loneliness, my life struggling hard for something which is near but never able to reach for it.
For me to lead through your busy life until there is not even a single minute for the one you thought should care for awhile.

"Hi, how are you? It has been a while since we've talked and saw each other."
I've tried my best to shorten everything I felt these days into a sentence.
So, does this reach the speed you hoped for me to just stand a little times of yours?
I know I should already have to got used to the nights without. So, I'm sorry, I failed yours expectation.

It's been a tough day for me today after been through a several sleepless nights.
"Nite" ...It doesnt mean "I'm going to sleep now".
It just to show I aint going to give up just yet and on the other hand, it just a simple little sign that I havent lost you yet.

So, does all this mean I deserve a kiss from you or a "bye" that describe thousand means of departion from you .. ?

A steel through the heart

How should I start?
Hmmm...
Weird, I suppose to have lots of things to write but somehow.. I can't think of any idea to start.
Or I should say how am I going to write so that I won't be regret for the rest of my life.
Remember the thing I said about "I don't care about anything anymore" thing?
I found that it's really hard to achieve it.
Especially when you got to know there is someone you can't hurt.

I've been in days like hell for the past two weeks.
But when I took sometimes to think about it.. I can't really sure what makes me think like this.
And when the weeks ended, by the time I thought it is over, BANG! Something I saw makes me wanna put down my everything and leave this world..for good maybe.
I can't say what it's here but I really do feel the pierce in heart.
With the current situation, it's an obvious slap on my face telling me what to do.

Perhaps not everything you waited what you long for, even things you hope and work hard for may comes to you.
Not every flower you watered may bloom in the end.

Waiting ain't easy, especially when there's thing you miss for so much but the thing won't come to you
like when you start to dig, in the end you realized the treasure have already been snatched away by someone else leaving the only box.

In Standby Only

The Thirtieth of March.
I realised that I need to learn how to always be in standby mode only.
Pretend to never exist at where she and she can see me.
It doesnt matter if I need someone.
It only matter if someone needs me.
It's like when you've failed the interview,
The answer you may got is like.. "Please dont call us, we will call you".
LOL! It's funny to think that I've got myself into a comedy life.
It's even funnier when I realise, I cant help myself for getting into it.

I don't know

I don't know what to say.
It is kind of confusing.
Maybe I shouldn't have come to Starbucks here.
Maybe I should just stay in my own room, staying offline.
Maybe just maybe.
...
Shouldn't have ask for more.
Liongteck is just.., really doesn't know :-)

From pieces to ashes

It's amazing to know that a broken heart can be broke into more pieces again.
It amaze me even more when I got to know that it hurts as much as when my heart was first broken.

I've been driving around for some times just now.
It reminds me how I got this habit everytime I am down.

At 1st I thought today is going to be the best day among the CNY.
In fact, it was the worst.

More and more thinking I've made today.
More and more the SO CALLED ASSUMPTIONS I MADE!!!
The more pain I felt from the bottom of my heart.

DONT YOU DARE TO SAY YOU KNOW HOW I FEEL when you never ever experience it before.
If this a revenge on me, CONGRATULATIONS, you've done a really good job here.

There things are not meant to be shared with others.
Say I am selfish, say I am bad, I dont really care anymore.
Ever take just some minutes in your life to think , right now, Who Am I To You??
I remember a girl said to me, "You cant have both, choose only one of them, sadness or happiness".

A call can turn everything aroud 180 degrees in the next second.
I exist only when she is not around.
She exist in every second of your life.
Whenever we're together, you may leave for her.
Whenever you are together, ignorance is all I ever got.
Everything is too obivous even without the weighing scale.

But why .... ?

All I've ever left between us, is my only pride.
Even a puppet has its own limit.
Am I just ... a spare happiness....

If that is the case...
I rather choose the be lonely for the rest of my life.

2010 CNY? The worst ever.

Some people may love to shout when everything is not going as planned or expected.
Some may want to cry when everything is not right at all.
Some may have just sing out really loud draining every ounce of their energy when they are down.
For now, I am one of the person who love to do all of these.

I had my worst 1st day of the Chinese in my life ever.
Everything is very very wrong, not even a single thing goes as I expected.
Sigh.

I always love the atmosphere when all of my family members gather, working hard for the Chinese New Year's Eve dinner.
With kids running around, adults chating among themselves waiting for the night to fall then we will all gather watching and enjoying the fire crackers.
Only laughter, none sadness.

Unfortunately, like I said, it's not as expected AT ALL.
This year, only half of the family members showed up and almost only 2 adults and kids watching for the fire crackers.
while the others doesnt come back and part of them went out for their own event without waiting for the 12am to strike.
Nothing really special happened, nothing worth to be mentioned,
I admit I do take lots of the pictures to post them here, but it seems doesnt worth as much as it looks at all.
So, I guess I will just forget it.

I was as tired as hell by yesterday and yet I still have to wait for my mum to really move herself inside the car for me to drive us way back to Sibu.
Hundreds of "yes" and yet I still have to waited for at least 30mins of her every "yes".
Well, I thought, it is Chinese New Year so, I will just have to bear with it.
Angriness may just bring only bad luck.

By the time I reached Sibu, I prepared myself, put on my new clothes by hoping to gather with my friends for some events.
In the end it turned out to be only one of my friend was able to company me while others are not free at all.
Well, I thought, it's normal, since it's just the 1st day of Chinese New Year.

By night time, something did happened that finally crushed me down.
I realised that dream always ended so quick and when you are slapped back to the reality, it is never a good thing.
Yesterday, I accidently walked into the dreamland.
It felt really really nice at first.
However by the time the story almost reach "happily ever after" part, I was pushed back to the reality.
Then I notice, it was ugly and never a real happiness.
I noticed there is always a wall seperated me from the happily ever after.
I noticed there is fate and not matter how you try, it just wont chance.
Then I know the path to the dreamland was just due to a word, guilt.

There is a girl who I always tell her that every girl deserve a flower on the valentine day.
I know it is just a reason for me to path a way to the dreamland.
I did prepared mine this year.
Unfortunately, the day ended before I delivered it.
So, I let fate to decide if the "gift" may reach its destination.
I just left it unattended.
Since, it doesnt mean a thing anymore...
Maybe I should've just throw it away .. =)

I hate the stubborness of my own.

Loves, Starbucks!

I love Starbucks, I always do.
One of my favourite place on the Earth.
I am not over-reacted or whatever-do-do, I mean it. Haha~

Most of the people think that Starbucks are only for those who are the caffeine lover since they serve only coffee but they are wrong! wrong! WRONG!!
Liongteck is not a caffeine lover but I still love Starbucks.
They do serve my favourite Chocolate Cream Chips and also the Java Chips.
With whip cream on top, they taste almost heavenly.
Yum Yum~



I always think that Starbucks is of the most relaxing place on Earth ever exist(at least for me it is).
I go Starbucks whenever my exam end to relieve my stress.
I go Starbucks whenever I've got nothing to do.
I go Starbucks whenever I feel like to.. LOL!!
But for me, the price for the drinks are little too expensive..
I guess that explain why my wallet is so dried up these days. =/

Most of the time, I went to Starbucks alone.
But not for today.
I almost forgot how nice it is when there's is a company even though you dont say a word.
With my favourite chocolate cream chips, some magazines, a pair of ears and those hyper-active girls, it had became one of my most enjoyable moment at the Starbucks.
Thank you ~ you girls made my day.

PS Remember, Kadang- Kadang, usiklah sendiri~ LOL

Maybe boring ..just boring

There is a knot.
With all my might, I can only reach one side of it.
No matter how hard I pull, it just wont come off, cant untie it.
Because there is no force at the other side..

Sometimes, when you are alone, when you've got nothing to do at all,
With just a little feeling of missing, you can become so emotional.

These days, I forgot the purpose of me never want to close this blog.
I forgot the purpose I am so indulge in an online game.
It's not because it's fun..
Just because I can at least find some satisfaction in them.
Because it can get me through each day of my life.

I found myself love to ruin everything nice in my life.
I never know how to appreciate the moment but only care how if it ends.
Selfishness is one of the worst nature I have.

I begin to remind myself, how do I go through all these things.
Maybe I should just do what I do best..
Back to my Maple Story..lol..

We do, We are the fools.

I've been sneezing a lot for today.
I don't think I'm getting fever or any disease since I don't feel sick at all.
However I do feel a little uncomfortable for a part of my body.
My heart.
It doesnt beat at the normal rate, it stops sometimes, it beats too fast for sometimes and for the other time, it pains like it's breaking apart.

I realise I do have some good parts of my own and that will be the worst weakness as well.
I think a lot.
My mind never stop working for 24/7.
Well, it's good thing since everyone say, a person who thinks often, may be a person who has the most intelligence.
But for me , it's bad because, you take account of every little action you made or been treated.
Especially, the things or person that you care for the most.
So, it's definitely a double-edge sword for me.
No one will know what are you trying to say or the message you are trying to send.

Sometimes, human dont speak directly.
They don't go and slap you when they hate you.
They won't tell you that he miss you so badly in your face when they see you.
They definitely wont say I still love you when they doubt that if you've already totally erased them out your heart.
Some may be brave in doing everything they want..
But some rather hide their courage because they are afraid of something else even more.

I notice that other than me, most of the human in this world are wearing a mask in their life.
Because we are afraid of others to know what we are thinking.
That's when ...we start to do foolish things just for the person we care....

Yesterday I've been introduced to a Korea song which I like the lyrics a lot.
IF you are asking that if I know how to read Korea language , then you are wrong... I dont.
It is just that it has been translated in the You tube.
Btw, no link, just lyrics. Enjoy.

Title: "I'm a Fool" / "A Song For the Fool"
Maybe this is because I am a fool.
It is okay even when I get hurt.
Even when others say that it is useless love.
It doesn't matter because I am a fool.
I was nice to you because I wanted to.
I was happy for just that if you smiled just once.
I'm happy with just your smile.
Until the day when her love will come.
I will just stay next to her like this.
Since it is a happy love for me just giving.
I dont want anything else from her.
I will be there whenever you reach out.
I will be there whenever you call out.
Without a change I will be there..
Because I love you..
Because I am a fool...

Out of breath

Okay, how should I start?
Hmmmm~~

I am little tired now.
Probably because of the jogging just now.
Yeah~ liongteck went JOGGING!! LOL!!!
Anyway, I do have this feeling which is a little diferrent than tired that I had before.

It started after I've done the jogging, ride onto my car ..
And the next thing was something happened that drained all of my energy away.
I even have a hard time to breath.
I tell you all what, this is very very weird.
I've never been this tired from any exercise I did before.

I feel so so sleepy, I lost my appetite, but I do feel like going around the city with winds blowing onto my face.
It would be nice if there is someone who can drive for me and I will be sitting on the next seat laying my face on the window enjoying the wind, LOL!

Anyway, I've decided to go out later.
I don't really feel like staying inside this room tonight.
Anywhere is good other than here. Away from my laptop. HAHA!!
So, I gotta go bath now, bye`~

PS I am pretty sure my message was sent and received. Now, I've been replied, and I guess I know already ^^ Those were all just .............

Dont lose control of myself

What've I done?
What am I thinking???!!
I must've knocked my head so hard for the past few days for thinking like this.

I should've know it's not true and it's not what I am thinking.
Grow up liongteck..
Grow up by learning!!

Dont try to do anything wrong ... =(
Dont even THINK about it...

I should have done this since last Sunday..
*Knock knock* on my head and *slap slap* at my face. LOL!

To be honest, I dont really have the mood to joke =(
Sorry guys

I've gone crazy!!

I feel so boring now~
Honestly, every beginning of the brand new year should be an enjoyable one because the CNY is always just around the corner by this time.
BUT NOT TO ME, at least not now.

I feel so boring now that I almost turn insane.
I feel like crazy-ing around for now like there's not tomorrow!!
I feel like doing anything I want without caring anyone feeling XD
I feel like stop thinking for a day without worry anything at all.
So I choose Sunday to be a day for me to gone crazy. LOL!!!

But I hope there is a person or two could company me or else it's not enjoyable enough.

So, let tomorrow be a lucky day cos I plan to ask someone out on that time *cross my finger*

Now, the question is, What am I planning for Sunday??
Movie? Starbucks? Sing k? A big feast??
Let's just do all of them or else it's not crazy enough.

I am gonna laugh till the max in cinema!!
I am gonna shout to the max in the karaoke room!!
I am gonna stuff my stomach to the max on that day!!
I am gonna er...poison myself with caffeine to the max??*cough cough**
ANYWAY I AM GONNA ENJOY MYSELF TO THE MAX ON THAT DAY!!

P.S Hope I wont be disappointed cos I dont have any backup plan.

P.P.S In case I really going to be disappointed I guess I will just crazy myself tomorrow. Maybe just MAYBE, run around the town, shouting in naked form. LOL!!!

P.P.P.S To the person that might be companying that day, please dont be angry with my every action. I just feel like "pour" everything out like we're never gonna meet again.

I wanna....

Being greedy is one of the human's nature.
But human are always good at making their bad side look like a good one..
So, sometimes they call their greed as, person with a big heart.
I know there is a word for it but that's not the point if not I am going to bla bla bla again.

Most of the time I have hard time in gettin myself to sleep at night and I can guess the reason behind it.
So, just now, I was surfing the internet look here and there then ended up with the blogs I often read, the Kenny Sia, Timothy Tiah and my ex-teacher, Mr. Arthur Wee.
I always have a dream in becoming a successful entreprenuer in the early age like Kenny and Timothy did.
But dream is just a dream.
Unless I have tons of money now or else it's going to be very far from the possible.

Anyway, just now I read one of the post in Timothy blogspot about everything he achieved and did in year 2009.
Owww damn!! I am so jealous of him.
To be honest I would die to have a life just like him.
A beautiful and cute girlfriend by the side, owning a very profitable business, driving nice car, having nice buddy around and etc etc. (Too much to say, LOL!!)
The best thing I like of him is setting up his own business and it is so successful.
I always dream to set up a business myself and become a very successful one in the future.
The investment thingy, how the money works, the satisfaction is priceless when you actually see your own company is growing after puting lots and lots effort into it.

After reading Kenny and Timothy blog, I tried to think of one nice thing I had done in the past 2009.
10 mins past and I couldnt think even one of them ..Zzzzz..
And now I start to feel like I've failed my own life.

I will be turning 22 this year, I think I should have to do something meaningful in my life.
So with the title "I wanna..." above, I am going to try as hard as I could to make at least some part of my dream come true. Yeah~~

I am not a good planner so I guess I will just start by listing out everything I wanna achieve this year.

1) A healthier physical and mental - this mean I've got to quit smoking, start working out and stop the negative thought which I always have in my mind. Of course, quit my laziness as well.

2) At least wealthier than last year - Ok, with 31st December 2009 as the cut off date, my target is at least doubled the money I had in my bank account. LOL!

3) Earn my own 1st pot of gold - I wouldnt be so strict in this since my mum wants me to be a full-time student to finish my ACCA as fast as I could. So, I guess I would just get myself a 1st part-time job in Kuching. The Rm300 I earned in the past few years in KL while working in PC fair, I wouldnt count it as my 1st pot of gold. LOL!!

4) Study harder and play harder motto - Haha!!! What I mean here is that, if I played hard, I am going to put more effort in my studies as well.

5) Improve my Chinese - I know to speak Chinese but never know how to read and write them. I always wish I could write and read in Chinese but unfortunately there's no one teaching me, so I guess self learning is going to take a very long time, I wouldnt say mastering them but at least improve in it.

6) Buy myself more goodies with my own money.

7) Dont fail any of my ACCA subject anymore.

Arrghhh, there are still a lot more to write but my mind just couldnt work properly now.
That's why I said, human are greedy before I start to write this LOL!!
Just hope that I really have nice thing to write when the 2011 comes.

2 mins to go and it will be 5am later.
I think even by force, I really have to get myself to sleep now.
It's going to be a very busy day later as I have to fly back to Kuching tomorrow morning.
There are lots of things I havent done yet.
So, I will just stop here for today.

Goodnite everyone.

It's a little different day

I bet almost everyone will make their 100th post in their blog a special one.
Yeap suprisingly this is the 1st 100th post in liongteck.blogspot.com
Honestly, I never thought I could make it to the here but even if I do, I will be wondering what kind of thing I will be writing.
Well, I reach here and I dont think what am I going to post is a good thing Zzzz~

It's a cold cold day today.
It is raining whole day and the sky doesnt show a single sign of the Sun will be coming out.
I love cool and cloudy day but not cold and rainy day.
I guess I probably sent the wrong message to the God asking for the wrong weather. LOL!!

Anyway, something different happened today.
I was invited out by someone and I guess you all know who is that person will be.

The story goes like this ..

Yesterday I received the msg asking me either wanna hang out with them in the Starbucks,
But I didnt give an answer so, I just told them I will let them know by today.
Then this noon, I msged them told them that I wont be going anymore, no reason given.
Truthly speaking, there is a little corner in my heart wanted to go and the reason is kinda obvious but .. I know I have to get over with it so, turning them down might be the 1st step I should've take and that is one of my resolution of this yaer.

Nothing happened then, till 7pm.
I was tired, so I was thinking of taking a short nap.
I know I was dreaming that time, not a good one but I dont remember what it is.
Then I was awaken by the phone.
She called.
Asking either I am out or not.
I wonder why at that time I am speechless.
So I just say whatever I've got in my mind, "Er...Should be not going out bah"
So I turned her down once again.

Psstt, in the end, I msged and asked where are they.
Guess, I am still who I am. LOL!!
I really dont know what changed my mind, her voice maybe.
After a bath, I am out, fetching them.

Skip the part what we are doing cos, technically speaking I am not doing anything that should be talk about except than I've done looking through every single DVD and CD in Kenyalang. LOL!

They are done with their thing, so I just fetched them to where their friend suppose to fetch them.
Suprisingly they asked either I want to join them for a coffee in the Starbucks or not but I turned them down AGAIN.
I lied that I've got to rush to the storebook to buy something before it close.
Well, there is no reason for them to not believe so, I was let go.
I didnt really go to the storebook, I just drive around the city and then back home to here... =)

You guys must be thinking why rite?
If it was me long time ago, I would've join them.
Hmm, I wonder why too.

In my last few posts, I said liongteck is a good reason seeker so, I would give any reason for every action I took even though it's not a logic one.
So I guess the reason is...
liongteck can never let go of her.
I know because I had this feeling when saw what she wore just now .. =)
Either it's a logic reason or not , it's up to you guys believe or not.

Life

Ever take a little of your time to think about life??
Well, most of the time whenever I have got nothing to do, I might think about it and for today, whenever I was driving, my mind popped up with these thingy.
I wish I could write everything I had thought about in here but, when it comes to word, I am totally speechless and dont know how write about them.
Anyway I guess I will just try my best.

I wouldnt start with things like "life is a gift from God or bla bla bla..."
For me, life can be defined in lots of way.
As for now, I defined my life as when I was still a child till I am today, a not-so-grown-up person. LOL!
You see, when I was still a kid, I was kinda naive in everything I saw, I thought and even I felt.
For like you know something, then you thought this is the way it should works but in the end when you grown up, you realised that it actually works the opposite way.
When I was kid, I thought everything is easy as long as you know the way it works which I call it as "The Formula".

But sadly, through every little experience I picked in my way of growing up which I called it as "The Chapters of My life", it doesnt seems to be working as effectively as it should be.
Then I realise life is not as easy as ABC like I thought when I was kid.

Alright, in case that you are lost, I will take one of the "chapters" in my life as an example - LOVE.
When I was kid, I thought human are created in pair by The God which I cant really explain why.
So when two persons are together, they are destinied to be together by the so called "Fate".
Of course when I say two persons, I mean a man and a woman because in my way the gay and lesbian relationship are kinda disgusting in some way which I usually known it as "Man-made relationship" (sorry if I hurt you, no offense , really)
And the formula I gave for "love" was, as long as you love someone + that person love you - all other factors = forever. Easy right?
But then when I'd really experienced this chapter of mine, it didnt work as simple as that.
It's not just you love me and I love you that would be all.
Even though two persons are love in each other, it is just not enough to keep them both forever together.
You've got to add a little understanding, believe and trust, even a little of fun, sometimes a little conflict and lots lots of others (It would be at least thousands or probably millions of things if I really list all of them out, so, forget it)

Great, now you see how complex it will be with only a chapter.
And our life are covered with lots of chapters if we really do think about it.

So, I wouldnt say sorts of things like "Cherish your life", "enjoy it" or whatever..
Because I know for some people it's hard to do so, at least it is for me, a boring type one.
In my life, I fell once in a very big way and it's kinda hard for me to get through it.
Even now, I am not really sure either I've got through it yet.
But at least for now, I know I've got lots of chapters in front of me to go through them.

I know I may fall again and probably a bigger stone or even deeper hole await in front of me, but I made a promise to myself, even by crawling , I will at least my make it to the end of the chapter.

So, boys and girls, at least try your best then you will have nothing to be regret of.
Btw, dont pray for now, but pray so that there wont be any hole or stone in front of you. LOL!!!
At least I know I do so.. HAHA

Diary of a Wimpy Kid

Last week, I forgot which day it was, I went to Boulevard with the intention to stock up my food.
When I say food I mean maggie mee's', LOL!
I dont cook a decent meal or should I say healthy meal whenever I am in here, Kuching.
I own a hot plate but mostly only for cooking those instand noodles. HAHA~

Anyway, back to the Boulevard.
I walked into the Popular bookshop and thought that I could get myself a new volume of the "True Singapore Ghost Stories" but sadly, it was not there yet =(

Then I spotted this.

Diary of the Wimpy Kid

I grabbed the book and try to read it.
I was so indulged with it till the time I noticed it, I had read at least the quarter of the book.
It was funny and interesting though.
Honestly, by that time, I was in a huge dilemma on either buying it or not.
That's because except than the comics, I have never finish reading any books that I bought before which is very very wasting my money.
I bought "Angels and Demons" which I read only quarter of it, "The Story of the Graveyard Boy" I think I did managed to reache half of it and wait..
"Rich Dad Poor Dad", Alright!!! I finished it!!! LOL!!!

Once I rememeber I actually finished at least one of the book I bought in the past, I know I really have to buy this book.
As for other reason I gave to myself is, "liongteck need a good laugh anyway".
I know, lame..LOL!

Guess what?
I bought the book, not one but the whole set of it.


Ta DAH!!

Ok, I can give you 3 reason why I bought whole set of it.
1st, because it is really an interesting book, so I thought the other 2 might not be bad as well.
2nd, errrr, it is cheaper because one of them costs around RM30 plus and I bought the whole set costed me RM79.95 only, which mean it burns my wallet hole a little smaller.
And for the 3rd, because it looks cooler ...I can show you..see below.


COOL right?
I can read it, I can even use it as the decoration, and the best thing is I can even give it out as a gift when someone b'day is coming.
See? This is what we call one stone killed three birds!
I am so smart. XD

And now, I'm counting how many nights do I have to go through with maggie mee only.
Because at first I already have the shortage in cash problem and now, I am even RM79.95 poorer.

Anyway, it is worth it because the books are really really nice.
I finished them in 5 days only and even plan to re-read them again.
Like I said, it is really really really really FUNNY!!!
Liongteck seldom recommend books to anyone but this one is highly recommend by me!!

Now, who want to have a laugh, come borrow from me!

A reply to whoever I cant reply

For Saturday, January 9, 2010,

I am sorry that I couldn't lighten you a little even knowing you are not in good condition.
Just really dont know what should I do, what should I say to you.
So, cheer up a bit, no one can be qualify as useless in this world, UNLESS liongteck said so. LOL!!

Sometimes a little conflict may bring better happiness in the future =D

Got conquered by laziness

Alright, I am gotta admit that I am not a good blogger.
I update my blog almost thousands year a time,
No picture and too much words.

But the great thing about me is I am a good reason seeker!!HAHA!

These days after come back to Kuching here, I begin to busy with my favourite online game again which is the Maple Story.
Plus one of my friend gonna stay here for a week for I dont know what kind of training it is, making me almost dont have very much time is leftover to update my blog.
I need too fetch him go to training and fetch him back again.
To mind you guys, the traffic is almost jammed everyday. =(

OK another reason is...
I AM SO LAZY!!!
Even though my 1st new year hope is to change my laziness, but I think, I still havent make any progress yet.LOL!!!

About the pictures thingy, I am not so into taking pictures of everything I see, I touch or I feel.
So, pictures will only be uploaded if I do take the pictures. HAHA!!
I prefer typing and writing than uploading the picture which I know it makes my blog so not interesting.

Uh, got to go, nature's calling.
Be back soon...or not so soon, whatever.

First writing on 2010! Happy new year everyone.

halo everyone!
It has been a long time already.
First of all, happy new year! Happy 2010!
How's your 1st day of the brand new year been?
As for me, after so many years of welcoming the new year with beers, this time i didn't had any of it! Yeah!!
No headache at the next morning, no any after-effect of over alcoholisation but still caught in the heavy traffic jam on the night and missed the 1st rising sun of the year due to the over-slept. Lol!
Just hope that this year is going to be a smooth year.

Anyway, there some announcement that i'm going to make before i missed the time which is still consider the "early year".

First, as you all can see here, i've re-open my blog to the public again!
Last year i restricted anyone from reading my blog due to some reasons which i'm not going to say it here.
Anyway, you didn't see me but now you do.
I just wanna make everything different this year even through this little diary of mine.
Hope i can write better things here this time.
There one thing that i want it in me this year, which is the 'i-don't-really-care-anymore" attitude. Lol!

Secondly, i got myself a new phone! Yeah!!
It's not the latest model nor the brand new one.
It's just a second hand n95 8g and i'm using it to blog at the starbucks now.
I used my own money to own this awesome technology which i'm kinda proud of.
I have always want this myself but couldn't afford it but until i'm really looking for it, many of my friends told me that this kind of model is not in production anymore.
That would be the reason why i've spent months searching for it.
I paid rm600 for this but in the end when i told my sis bout this she said she would sponsor me half of it as to encourage me to study hard.
Ok well, i thought, why not? Ha ha, love you, cj..

As for the third thing, last year in the month of november, i got myself a new laptop!lol!
I've been cutting my everyday life costs, saving up every penny i had for years then at last, i can finally afford a new laptop myself. I think that's why my bank account it so dried up these day.
However, after the several years of saving this and that, i think it's worth it to pamper myself with this beauty.
After all, my bank account can still survive till this day thanks to my sis.
At the last minute before i pay for the laptop, she called and told me that she intend to sponsor half of the cost of the laptop.
Okay, do anyone feel envy at me now? Lol!
Btw, the model that i bought is the HP DV3 and i still feel that it's worth the money till today.

As for the forth announcement, my brain is kinda blank for now.
I think it's because of the mosquitoes here flying around distracting my mind.
So, i guess i will just put in on the next list when i could remember them.
Hopefully it will be the great things like i pass all my ACCA exams, having awesome chinese new year this year or even gain some profit for the coming world cup..ha ha!

Alright i guess i'll just stop here for now.
Once again, have a great 2010 everyone.